I was going through my list of posts deleting drafts when I came across this one...I don't know why I didn't post it and now the place that sells the SUPER-DOUGHNUT no longer exists. I decided to just share this experience with those of you who were unlucky enough to have missed out on the super snack. Ladies and gentlemen (all 3 of you) let me take you back to a time when life was simpler...food was cheaper...and SUPER-DOUGHNUTS roamed the land opposite my university...
*time traveling noises*
SUPER-DOUGHNUT
This wonderful creation that I decided to name the SUPER-DOUGHNUT (the name has caught on quite fast :))came to me via one of my classmates(without his knowledge) on a Thursday morning. The owner of the SUPER-DOUGHNUT (notice how I only write the name in upper case. It's for emphasis) came to class with this gigantic paper bag that I just lengad 'cause it didn't look extraordinary. I thought it was a t-shirt or something...anyway so he sits down and discloses to one of my girlfriends that he has a doughnut in the massive paper bag. WAIT!
DISCLAIMER:I'm making this part of the story up as I go along. I actually don't know how she discovered that it was a doughnut. I was listening to the lecturer :D My knowledge of what happened that morning begins when I was offered the SUPER-DOUGHNUT.
So he tells her that he has a doughnut and she wonders out loud exactly how many he bought. He tells her that it's just one doughnut and that it's bigger than her head. She gasps, slaps him across the cheek(too much?) and calls him a liar. He grins, savouring the confused look on her face and whips out his doughnut (hehe...sounds a bit wrong). The sheer size of it makes her eyes bulge out of their sockets and exclaim, "It's HUGE!" (hehe...ok. That was the last one). This is when she made the decision to pinch off a large piece and share it with me and a couple of other people. In my defense I didn't know that I was eating stolen goods at first...and it was so yummy that when I found out I didn't really care. I know most of you will not believe me but I SWEAR that thing is HUMONGOUS. Its a monstrosity! The mother of all doughnuts! We ate quite a bit of that doughnut before we were caught and still didn't do enough damage to piss off the owner. After class I really wanted to buy one but was told they only make 3 per day. That only made me want one more! What is it about unavailable things that makes them so irresistible...anyway I craved its cinnamon-y goodness the whole day and created scenes in my mind that involved me being alone with a SUPER-DOUGHNUT. I think that even if the SUPER-DOUGHNUT tasted awful I'd still want one just to say that I have eaten a doughnut bigger than my head.
*time traveling noises*
Clearly, my love for brackets and alama za dukuduku(I always forget what they're called in English. Those 3 dots that make things suspense-y) has only become greater with time :D
Monday, August 27, 2012
Monday, July 30, 2012
What are you selling?
I almost didn't want to post this because my last post was my 69th :D ANYWAY innuendos aside I haven't posted in a couple of months. I refuse to be bullied into feeling apologetic towards my readers (I seem to get like one more every year but yay! I'm not complaining :) ). It is within my rights as a person to be lazy.
Today I'm talking about adverts. Our advertising companies are seriously unable to relate to their audience. Case and point;
1. Roof-adillo
People I talk to often will by now be tired of hearing me complain about this ad. It stars an animated armadillo climbing a roof. I have so many problems with this. We live in a country where most of the population has no idea what an armadillo is. We have never seen one because we don't have any (probably why its animated...but then again I don't know how an armadillo would react to being put on a roof. Maybe steel makes them violent :D). Another thing, what was the point of the armadillo? The ad was for roofing sheets. Are we to believe that they're armadillo-resistant? Or that they give free armadillos with each purchase? If their point was the sheets are as strong as an armadillo, guess what; I HAVE NO IDEA HOW STRONG THOSE THINGS ARE. Use examples I can relate to. I don't know...make a guy eat Ugali and compare him to the mabati or something. It's not my job so if my example sucks...its still better than the armadillo :D
2. Oh God please make it stop
This one takes the cake.It features babies bodies that have been CGI'd into a kind of club where they partake in 'save the last dance'-esque (remember that dance movie?)activities. First of all I hate it when they make babies and animals do things on TV that they shouldn't be able to do in real life, so the whole dancing babies in a possibly romantic situation does not fly with me. It's weird, creepy and should be illegal. Secondly, the ad is to promote the drinking of milk. Not a particular brand, just milk in general and I want to know why. Is there a national calcium deficiency we should know about? I need to know these things! If we are in danger of becoming a boneless nation we need to be warned. Though that would be kind of awesome. When you call someone spineless and they really don't have a spine...anyway I digress (as usual) . Thirdly what do they hope to gain from airing that ad? Am I supposed to be motivated to drink milk so I can fulfill my childhood dream of wearing pampers to the club? Honestly I don't know exactly who their target audience is. If they were trying to be cute they have FAILED.
Today I'm talking about adverts. Our advertising companies are seriously unable to relate to their audience. Case and point;
1. Roof-adillo
People I talk to often will by now be tired of hearing me complain about this ad. It stars an animated armadillo climbing a roof. I have so many problems with this. We live in a country where most of the population has no idea what an armadillo is. We have never seen one because we don't have any (probably why its animated...but then again I don't know how an armadillo would react to being put on a roof. Maybe steel makes them violent :D). Another thing, what was the point of the armadillo? The ad was for roofing sheets. Are we to believe that they're armadillo-resistant? Or that they give free armadillos with each purchase? If their point was the sheets are as strong as an armadillo, guess what; I HAVE NO IDEA HOW STRONG THOSE THINGS ARE. Use examples I can relate to. I don't know...make a guy eat Ugali and compare him to the mabati or something. It's not my job so if my example sucks...its still better than the armadillo :D
2. Oh God please make it stop
This one takes the cake.It features babies bodies that have been CGI'd into a kind of club where they partake in 'save the last dance'-esque (remember that dance movie?)activities. First of all I hate it when they make babies and animals do things on TV that they shouldn't be able to do in real life, so the whole dancing babies in a possibly romantic situation does not fly with me. It's weird, creepy and should be illegal. Secondly, the ad is to promote the drinking of milk. Not a particular brand, just milk in general and I want to know why. Is there a national calcium deficiency we should know about? I need to know these things! If we are in danger of becoming a boneless nation we need to be warned. Though that would be kind of awesome. When you call someone spineless and they really don't have a spine...anyway I digress (as usual) . Thirdly what do they hope to gain from airing that ad? Am I supposed to be motivated to drink milk so I can fulfill my childhood dream of wearing pampers to the club? Honestly I don't know exactly who their target audience is. If they were trying to be cute they have FAILED.
Friday, April 6, 2012
I'm not a journalist,buuuut....
There have been complaints about my inconsistency in blogging. Actually one complaint. No one really reads my insightful and heartfelt pieces. On the plus side, the one person is NOT my mum so yaaay! and sorry Duncan. I'll try harder :)
Since its Easter weekend and I've been abandonned by virtually EVERYONE, I'm bored. So today I picked up a newspaper (I read them once in a while. I mostly depend on the internet for information. It's faster,easier and cheaper although sometimes the information I get has even less substance than the info in those tabloids for 10 bob. Those things have the funniest stories!!! But I digress...)and I was appalled. I read the worst piece of journalism. Actually let me rephrase that, my eyes were assaulted by the worst piece of attempted journalism that has ever been printed. I won't name the paper. I'm not sure of the legal ramifications of that...(as if they'd ever find this blog).The content of the story wasn't so bad (kinda boring and obvious but not bad) but the grammar! Oh Lord! I thought newspapers had editors. Did the editor go on holiday? Did he let his 10 year old kid do his work for him? WAS HE HIGH??? I wont claim to be an expert on journalism- as seen in the way I write- but I know someone somewhere is definitely not doing their job. I'm offended that he (I'll assume the editor was a man. I still have faith in women) thought no one would notice that atrocity. That article has even given me hope. I dont need to find a profitable talent. I just need to write for that paper. You clearly only need to have made it through standard 4 to write for them so I'll be good. The worst thing about the article was the attempts at humour...they were so painfull that I was wincing as I read them. I acknowledge that not everyone has my undeniable wit and uncanny sense of timing *flips hair over shoulder* but the guy could have tried harder.
In completely unrelated news this song is AWESOME. It's made me molest the repeat button - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xXWlmg6p0-g
Since its Easter weekend and I've been abandonned by virtually EVERYONE, I'm bored. So today I picked up a newspaper (I read them once in a while. I mostly depend on the internet for information. It's faster,easier and cheaper although sometimes the information I get has even less substance than the info in those tabloids for 10 bob. Those things have the funniest stories!!! But I digress...)and I was appalled. I read the worst piece of journalism. Actually let me rephrase that, my eyes were assaulted by the worst piece of attempted journalism that has ever been printed. I won't name the paper. I'm not sure of the legal ramifications of that...(as if they'd ever find this blog).The content of the story wasn't so bad (kinda boring and obvious but not bad) but the grammar! Oh Lord! I thought newspapers had editors. Did the editor go on holiday? Did he let his 10 year old kid do his work for him? WAS HE HIGH??? I wont claim to be an expert on journalism- as seen in the way I write- but I know someone somewhere is definitely not doing their job. I'm offended that he (I'll assume the editor was a man. I still have faith in women) thought no one would notice that atrocity. That article has even given me hope. I dont need to find a profitable talent. I just need to write for that paper. You clearly only need to have made it through standard 4 to write for them so I'll be good. The worst thing about the article was the attempts at humour...they were so painfull that I was wincing as I read them. I acknowledge that not everyone has my undeniable wit and uncanny sense of timing *flips hair over shoulder* but the guy could have tried harder.
In completely unrelated news this song is AWESOME. It's made me molest the repeat button - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xXWlmg6p0-g
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Naked people
As usual I have a misleading title. I'm not going to complain about the fact that a large number of my fellow women have been gradually developing an allergy to clothes (though it IS very rant-worthy). Today, its about the government's secret plan to make us naked. The reasons for this are not quite clear to me yet but conspiracy theorists(not really.Just me) think the government intends to make the most of prostitution before it becomes legal i.e. make all women look like whores so we can get arrested and fined for prostitution thus increasing the amount of money available for our leaders to take their mistresses on holiday, build mansions and buy gigantic T.V's to watch the rest of us die of starvation in HD. I digress. The topic is nudity. So last night on the news I saw that they're levying taxes on mitumba clothes. As an average Kenyan citizen of average means I was appalled. I don't like to use a lot of money on ANYTHING!(Mostly because I rarely have any but that's not the point) Mitumba provides an alternative source of affordable but fashion forward clothing for Kenyans who don't like going into a store and seeing one t-shirt reproduced 30 times and more importantly for those who can't afford the things in those stores whose target is the middle and upper class Kenyan who makes up less than half the population. Why are they taxing them?? People are already taxed for everything. Its not as if there's no money. We can see the money going to buy the M.P's chairs costing 200,000 bob and buying expensive cars and hiring foreign lawyers to represent them for crimes they committed against the very people who chose them to lead...ANYWAY, I digress again. So yes. They are imposing taxes so that we cant afford clothes leaving us with no choice but to wear fewer items of clothing, making us look like ladies of the night so we can get arrested and fined for prostitution. Yeah. I said it.
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Ban evil children...happy new year!
Happy new year! First post of 2012 which is apparently the end of the world (again). I personally think that people keep predicting the end of the world because they get off on the idea. I don't mean that most people are necrophiliacs... I just mean that the danger that comes with being so close to death is a turn on, but its also safe because you're not REALLY putting yourself at risk. Religions that believe in any kind of apocalypse clearly state that no human can ever be right in predicting the end days so why bother? I'll tell you why. It's exciting :) ANYWAY, that's just me.
I want to start off this year by complaining about demonic babies. No, not those insane children who try to bite your toes and leap off tables like some miniature version of cat-woman(I'm not making this up. I met this child). Those babies are just hyper-active. I'm talking about those movies that have possessed kids or demons disguised as children. It is seriously freaky! I don't scare easily but when a movie has an axe-murdering, soul sucking or shape-shifting child I can almost die. I think horror movies should be like porn. You cant act in it unless you're above 18 or else they'll arrest your parents or whoever they arrest. Anyone found selling films with such content should be fined or beaten or whatever and there should be campaigns against child-horrorography (not a word). Who's with me?!!!
In unrelated news: 2011 was an amazing year for me. Thanks to all the amazing people in my life who played their part (some more than others :)) in my 2011, there are so many moments that will torment me/ I'll cherish for the rest of my life. I don't like to be overly emotional or personal on the internet so yeah...mnajijua :)
I want to start off this year by complaining about demonic babies. No, not those insane children who try to bite your toes and leap off tables like some miniature version of cat-woman(I'm not making this up. I met this child). Those babies are just hyper-active. I'm talking about those movies that have possessed kids or demons disguised as children. It is seriously freaky! I don't scare easily but when a movie has an axe-murdering, soul sucking or shape-shifting child I can almost die. I think horror movies should be like porn. You cant act in it unless you're above 18 or else they'll arrest your parents or whoever they arrest. Anyone found selling films with such content should be fined or beaten or whatever and there should be campaigns against child-horrorography (not a word). Who's with me?!!!
In unrelated news: 2011 was an amazing year for me. Thanks to all the amazing people in my life who played their part (some more than others :)) in my 2011, there are so many moments that will torment me/ I'll cherish for the rest of my life. I don't like to be overly emotional or personal on the internet so yeah...mnajijua :)
Saturday, November 12, 2011
meh...
I haven't posted anything in I think over a month mostly because I've been too happy to complain about anything (someone's doing a good job ;)) and partly because I've been too lazy to type...but now that my lecturers and fellow students are on strike (again) I have time to plague the internet with my sense of self-importance. Why else would anyone start a blog like this? I think that my fleeting thoughts are mostly strokes of such sheer genius that I have to share them with the 2 other people that read my blog. Now let me talk about this strike thing. Or rather complain...
My lecturers went on strike this week and at first I was happy. I was hoping it would last a couple of days or at most a week so that I could have some time to breathe and start some of the many, many, MANY assignments I have never even looked at. It seems that my prayers were answered a little bit too well. Now I have no idea when the strike or rather 'downing of tools' (apparently the strike was illegal so they stopped calling it a strike and carried on) will end. I'm not very worried. I guess the time lost will be recovered by eating into my holiday but for other students it's kind of unfair. Imagine you're just about to graduate then boom; Str...er...downing of tools. I get why the lecturers are pissed off. I would absolutely do the same thing if I was paid- or rather not paid- the way they are so once again the fault lies with the government. I say 'once again' because almost all the problems we have as a country are the fault of our government. Think of a problem and you can almost certainly find a way to trace it back to the government. Unemployment, inflation, bad t.v.(not really). Democracy is so over-rated...I think we need a new political system. Dictatorship is not a plan and democracy is just dictatorship in heels and a minidress.ANYWAY, I try not to get too heavy on my blog because I am a happy person. Kinda. I'm also afraid that the secret police will come after me.(Do we have secret police?)
My lecturers went on strike this week and at first I was happy. I was hoping it would last a couple of days or at most a week so that I could have some time to breathe and start some of the many, many, MANY assignments I have never even looked at. It seems that my prayers were answered a little bit too well. Now I have no idea when the strike or rather 'downing of tools' (apparently the strike was illegal so they stopped calling it a strike and carried on) will end. I'm not very worried. I guess the time lost will be recovered by eating into my holiday but for other students it's kind of unfair. Imagine you're just about to graduate then boom; Str...er...downing of tools. I get why the lecturers are pissed off. I would absolutely do the same thing if I was paid- or rather not paid- the way they are so once again the fault lies with the government. I say 'once again' because almost all the problems we have as a country are the fault of our government. Think of a problem and you can almost certainly find a way to trace it back to the government. Unemployment, inflation, bad t.v.(not really). Democracy is so over-rated...I think we need a new political system. Dictatorship is not a plan and democracy is just dictatorship in heels and a minidress.ANYWAY, I try not to get too heavy on my blog because I am a happy person. Kinda. I'm also afraid that the secret police will come after me.(Do we have secret police?)
Friday, September 16, 2011
unfairy-like tales
Sometimes the random things I tweet make me think more deeply about the issues...when I say 'the issues' I wish I meant world peace and a cure for AIDS but alas, my mind is sometimes not such a noble place. The issues in this case refers to fairy tales. So, the tweet was about how Snow White blacked out (i was referring to what happens to many a young lad/lass during their late teens and early twenties when alcohol and large sums of money-or cheap liquor- are are readily available) and Cinderella was on hallucinogens. I'm just saying, the chick believed she rode in a pumpkin for God's sake. In my mind I see a seriously shroomed girl sitting on a pumpkin and yelling at a rat to hurry up lest they get late.
So I started remembering the origins of some nursery rhymes. Those cute songs you used to sing...not so cute. Most of them are about murders, betrayals and other things children should never sing about that happened in England a couple of hundred years ago. Jack and Jill is possibly about the beheading of Marie Antoinette and her husband King Louis the 16th, 'a ring a ring o' roses' is about the plague (yes, when you said 'atishoo we all fall down' you were actually saying 'we all got the plague and dropped dead'), pop goes the weasel was about killing traitors...the list is endless (ok not endless, just long).
side bar: rub a dub dub Though I don't know the origin of this nursery rhyme, it bugs me. If you don't know the rhyme GOOGLE IT and explain to me what 3 men are doing in a tub. It sounds nasty...especially since one of them is a candle-stick maker O.O
ANYWAY, this got me to thinking about an alternate reality where there's a reasonable explanation for what happened in those fairy tales we loved so much as kids. Sadly none of them have happy endings. I think Snow White may have been roofied by one of the dwarfs who was paid off by prince charming...SO...maybe I will write my own slightly altered, not for kids version of fairy tales, give you a little taste of what probably really would have happened if our beloved princesses had actually lived (think of the fairy god mother being some old witchdoctor with kamote (sp)). We'll see.
***By the way, if you're wondering why or how I know the origins of nursery rhymes, don't. I am a very deep well of the most useless information and I'm not even sure how I know these things. Only one thing is for sure...I will never need to know more than half the things I know.You know?(Sorry.couldn't resist :) )
So I started remembering the origins of some nursery rhymes. Those cute songs you used to sing...not so cute. Most of them are about murders, betrayals and other things children should never sing about that happened in England a couple of hundred years ago. Jack and Jill is possibly about the beheading of Marie Antoinette and her husband King Louis the 16th, 'a ring a ring o' roses' is about the plague (yes, when you said 'atishoo we all fall down' you were actually saying 'we all got the plague and dropped dead'), pop goes the weasel was about killing traitors...the list is endless (ok not endless, just long).
side bar: rub a dub dub Though I don't know the origin of this nursery rhyme, it bugs me. If you don't know the rhyme GOOGLE IT and explain to me what 3 men are doing in a tub. It sounds nasty...especially since one of them is a candle-stick maker O.O
ANYWAY, this got me to thinking about an alternate reality where there's a reasonable explanation for what happened in those fairy tales we loved so much as kids. Sadly none of them have happy endings. I think Snow White may have been roofied by one of the dwarfs who was paid off by prince charming...SO...maybe I will write my own slightly altered, not for kids version of fairy tales, give you a little taste of what probably really would have happened if our beloved princesses had actually lived (think of the fairy god mother being some old witchdoctor with kamote (sp)). We'll see.
***By the way, if you're wondering why or how I know the origins of nursery rhymes, don't. I am a very deep well of the most useless information and I'm not even sure how I know these things. Only one thing is for sure...I will never need to know more than half the things I know.You know?(Sorry.couldn't resist :) )
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