There's a quote almost everyone knows that was supposedly by Albert Einstein but ,as we all know, the internet at times is not the most reliable of sources. People attribute anything they want people to agree with to famous people. Anyway, the quote goes something like, 'Only 2 things are infinite; the universe and human stupidity'. I may have gotten the wording wrong but that's the general idea of the statement. I, Zker, today would like to say that I disagree with this statement completely. I don't care if Einstein really did say it, he was wrong. Yes. I am controversial like that.
I don't disagree with the universe part. My knowledge of theoretical physics is limited to what I hear on The Big Bang Theory so I'll let him have that one. My problem lies in the human stupidity section. Human stupidity is NOT infinite. Humans are too stupid to have new ways to be stupid. We just keep repeating past stupidity in different scenarios. In high school I liked history because I barely had to read for it. If you know the reasons for one war/uprising, you know the reasons for all the wars/uprisings. The history of the human race is like an episode of Tom and Jerry. You watch thinking,' Yes. Now Tom knows that if he tries to chase Jerry into the hole he will hit his head on the wall,' right before he tries to chase Jerry into the hole and hits his head on the wall. People just keep doing things that they know will not work and there's no logical reason why. So whoever came up with that quote, Einstein or not, you were wrong. Our stupidity is limited but can be applied to a wide range of situations.
Note: If you do not acknowledge how clever the title of this post is then there's something wrong with you. It is amazing wordplay. I deserve an award for this title.
Saturday, November 10, 2012
Sunday, October 28, 2012
Blessings from the rain gods
I love rain. I don't mean El-nino-esque situations (too many hyphens?), I mean light showers...a hint of thunder, a couple of women running around with paper-bags on their heads... I'm a cloudy weather kind of person. The sun is nice but sunny weather is overrated. And sweaty. That's one of the reasons I love November- other reasons involve a blessing bestowed upon the earth in the form of a baby girl, sent to earth to shine the light of her smile into the hearts of mankind. Yes, I was born in November :)
On to the complaint. This is the 21st century. How do we let little drops of water from the sky dictate our lives? The moment clouds appear to gather all hell breaks loose. Matatus start charging as if the rain will make them take a detour to Lodwar first, people (especially women) become violent, everyone rushes out of their offices -ironically- to beat the traffic jams that they cause by all rushing out at the same time and then the traffic cops show up. Traffic cops. I have a 'the chicken or the egg' dilemma with them. I'm not sure if jams cause them to show up or if jams happen because they showed up.
Then there's the issue of the blackouts. Our electrical systems don't seem to be able to withstand certain amounts of rain. This is mildly insane as the climate generally follows the same pattern year after year...we know what kind of rain we're going to have and when we'll have it but KPLC of KPC- or whatever our electrical company wants to call itself- seems to think we should just keep praying to the rain gods that it will only drizzle that year. UPGRADE!!! Instead of paying for adverts (I always go back to the ads) which you don't need, seeing as you're our sole supplier of electricity, use the money to UPGRADE. And what's this nonsense with the pre-paid meters? Its like a homeless person buying an i-phone. Deal with the important issues first. I can't be having black-outs for the whole day. I'm a modern woman. I have stuff that needs googling.There's a country where the minister for energy(of wherever electricity falls) was forced to resign after a blackout... I'm just saying.
So. Rain is our friend, I hate KPC and November is the best month of the year :) (Yes, yes...October technically hasn't ended yet but I believe November isn't usually given enough time)
On to the complaint. This is the 21st century. How do we let little drops of water from the sky dictate our lives? The moment clouds appear to gather all hell breaks loose. Matatus start charging as if the rain will make them take a detour to Lodwar first, people (especially women) become violent, everyone rushes out of their offices -ironically- to beat the traffic jams that they cause by all rushing out at the same time and then the traffic cops show up. Traffic cops. I have a 'the chicken or the egg' dilemma with them. I'm not sure if jams cause them to show up or if jams happen because they showed up.
Then there's the issue of the blackouts. Our electrical systems don't seem to be able to withstand certain amounts of rain. This is mildly insane as the climate generally follows the same pattern year after year...we know what kind of rain we're going to have and when we'll have it but KPLC of KPC- or whatever our electrical company wants to call itself- seems to think we should just keep praying to the rain gods that it will only drizzle that year. UPGRADE!!! Instead of paying for adverts (I always go back to the ads) which you don't need, seeing as you're our sole supplier of electricity, use the money to UPGRADE. And what's this nonsense with the pre-paid meters? Its like a homeless person buying an i-phone. Deal with the important issues first. I can't be having black-outs for the whole day. I'm a modern woman. I have stuff that needs googling.There's a country where the minister for energy(of wherever electricity falls) was forced to resign after a blackout... I'm just saying.
So. Rain is our friend, I hate KPC and November is the best month of the year :) (Yes, yes...October technically hasn't ended yet but I believe November isn't usually given enough time)
Sunday, October 21, 2012
False advertising
I've had a couple of posts about Kenyan advertising but this one is the one closest to my heart. The hating shall occur in 3 parts;
1; the kiosk/kibanda
We all have this ka-shop near our estate/school/place of work that sells cheap food. This is not a fancy place. It is pocket friendly, mabati and wood make up the decor and the food is not for the weak of stomach. I don't mind these places as I am quite, as they say, 'hood' but I find it so funny when these places have pictures of ice-cream sundaes, pizzas and burgers. WHY are you putting up pictures of that food when you're serving people limp cabbage and yellow-ish ugali?? Are you trying to make people feel bad? Take a picture of your funny looking ndengu with its many stones and hang it up there instead of downloading the first thing you saw on google. Liars.
2.The salon/barber shop
I know for a fact that Beyonce does not do her hair near afya centre. Why do you have her picture hanging outside your salon? This may be the reason for so many bad weaves in Nairobi. People go in with high expectations only to leave looking like poodles. Take a picture of work that you've actually done, it makes more sense. I know for a fact that most girls like getting their picture taken. It wouldn't be too hard to convince someone to be your hair model.
3.The passport size photo place
These ones seem to like Chris Brown because yes, of course Chris Brown would go downtown for passport size photos. It doesn't make sense to me that your sample pictures are of people who may not even know where Nairobi is. Yes its a nice picture but you didn't take it. How am I supposed to trust your work when you don't have enough faith in it to use it in your advertising?I think American celebs would find it interesting to walk around town, it would be a strange experience for them. Close to omniscience :D
1; the kiosk/kibanda
We all have this ka-shop near our estate/school/place of work that sells cheap food. This is not a fancy place. It is pocket friendly, mabati and wood make up the decor and the food is not for the weak of stomach. I don't mind these places as I am quite, as they say, 'hood' but I find it so funny when these places have pictures of ice-cream sundaes, pizzas and burgers. WHY are you putting up pictures of that food when you're serving people limp cabbage and yellow-ish ugali?? Are you trying to make people feel bad? Take a picture of your funny looking ndengu with its many stones and hang it up there instead of downloading the first thing you saw on google. Liars.
2.The salon/barber shop
I know for a fact that Beyonce does not do her hair near afya centre. Why do you have her picture hanging outside your salon? This may be the reason for so many bad weaves in Nairobi. People go in with high expectations only to leave looking like poodles. Take a picture of work that you've actually done, it makes more sense. I know for a fact that most girls like getting their picture taken. It wouldn't be too hard to convince someone to be your hair model.
3.The passport size photo place
These ones seem to like Chris Brown because yes, of course Chris Brown would go downtown for passport size photos. It doesn't make sense to me that your sample pictures are of people who may not even know where Nairobi is. Yes its a nice picture but you didn't take it. How am I supposed to trust your work when you don't have enough faith in it to use it in your advertising?I think American celebs would find it interesting to walk around town, it would be a strange experience for them. Close to omniscience :D
Monday, October 8, 2012
Hairology
This post is a bit heavier than my usual ones so if you want to laugh...go to the next post :). This is what happens when I blog in the middle of the night *spooky noises* (This blog is awesome. Which other blog will give you such amazing sound effects???)
Due to some walldropping -one of my made up words- on facebook (I am not proud...but we've all clicked on a link that wasn't meant for us, am I right?) I discovered something that's been right under our noses...something that could shake the very foundations of our beliefs as Africans. A discovery that will forever change the way we view life. What is this discovery? Hang on... *suspense-y noises* ( I don't know what they are but they must exist) this post is called hairology so I have to explain that first THEN come back to the discovery. I promise they are related.
The link was to a website about black girls getting back to their roots (literally) and growing back their natural hair i.e. operation ditch the perm. It's something I've been considering so I read a couple of articles and they had some really good info ...but there's something unnerving that stood out in many of the posts. My decision to 'go natural' is mostly for financial(I am poor) and time-saving(I have no time for salons) purposes but from the articles I read its like black girls NEED to be convinced that their natural hair is ok. As in this going natural thing is seriously a revolution(trust me to unwittingly stumble into one). There's a particular jargon associated with it, testimonies, encouragement, the whole package. Personally I think its weird that we have to have a revolution for us to do something which is meant to come to us naturally. When did we get to this point where we have to be told that its possible to keep natural hair? When did we start thinking that we got 'stuck with the bad hair'? Obviously if you treat your hair like a white girl it will break like a nonsense because you may think you're white, but your hair knows better. We don't have to copy everything that's thrown at us.
I'm not saying we all have beautiful hair. Some people just have bad hair, but it's not dependent on race. If you're one of those its ok. These days people make very realistic hair, you can go buy some. I'm not saying its bad to experiment, go try all the colours, chemicals and feathers (I've been seeing them in people's hair of late) you want. I'm just saying don't do it to escape the fact that you're black. We are so self loathing that we have to be told that we are fine the way God made us. We've let other people set standards for our beauty, and we try so hard to get to them without ever wondering what was so wrong with us in the first place.
So what was the discovery? I discovered that its ok to be black.
Due to some walldropping -one of my made up words- on facebook (I am not proud...but we've all clicked on a link that wasn't meant for us, am I right?) I discovered something that's been right under our noses...something that could shake the very foundations of our beliefs as Africans. A discovery that will forever change the way we view life. What is this discovery? Hang on... *suspense-y noises* ( I don't know what they are but they must exist) this post is called hairology so I have to explain that first THEN come back to the discovery. I promise they are related.
The link was to a website about black girls getting back to their roots (literally) and growing back their natural hair i.e. operation ditch the perm. It's something I've been considering so I read a couple of articles and they had some really good info ...but there's something unnerving that stood out in many of the posts. My decision to 'go natural' is mostly for financial(I am poor) and time-saving(I have no time for salons) purposes but from the articles I read its like black girls NEED to be convinced that their natural hair is ok. As in this going natural thing is seriously a revolution(trust me to unwittingly stumble into one). There's a particular jargon associated with it, testimonies, encouragement, the whole package. Personally I think its weird that we have to have a revolution for us to do something which is meant to come to us naturally. When did we get to this point where we have to be told that its possible to keep natural hair? When did we start thinking that we got 'stuck with the bad hair'? Obviously if you treat your hair like a white girl it will break like a nonsense because you may think you're white, but your hair knows better. We don't have to copy everything that's thrown at us.
I'm not saying we all have beautiful hair. Some people just have bad hair, but it's not dependent on race. If you're one of those its ok. These days people make very realistic hair, you can go buy some. I'm not saying its bad to experiment, go try all the colours, chemicals and feathers (I've been seeing them in people's hair of late) you want. I'm just saying don't do it to escape the fact that you're black. We are so self loathing that we have to be told that we are fine the way God made us. We've let other people set standards for our beauty, and we try so hard to get to them without ever wondering what was so wrong with us in the first place.
So what was the discovery? I discovered that its ok to be black.
Monday, October 1, 2012
sexy oil?I think not!
Again, I have misled you with my title (mwahahaha!). This is not a post about...whatever you thought it was going to be about. Its another one about adverts that don't make sense to me. These 2 ads are not bad per se...they just seem unrelated to the products they're selling. Cooking oil and sanitary towels are NEVER EVER meant to be sexy. You just can't do that. You can't allow me to think its an ad for condoms right up to the end then spring every day products which should NEEEEEVER EEEEVER be thought of in a sexual context.(EVER)
1. stripper pads (Yes, yes man who is reading this blog, I said pads. Get over it.)
I've only seen this ad once so I'm just hoping and trusting that the stupidity of the human race is at a constant and not -as previously thought- increasing. This ad features a very attractive woman stripping. It's a really short ad and they show what they call 'tasteful nudity' so you don't really see anything but you know she's taking off her clothes...then the ad ends and they say the brand name of the pads. That's it. I'm not an expert. Maybe the strippers were converting to tampons. I have no idea. I just think the ad is stupid.It's a stripper, then its sanitary towels.
2.sexy oil
If I wore a hat I'd take it off to the guys who came up with the ad...then throw it at them. It has everything. A woman who appears to really REALLY like tomatoes, a man who likes to watch her like tomatoes, a rather large fish getting spanked, water and oil flying everywhere, weird facial expressions...then suddenly they're on a beach and guess what, they were advertising cooking oil. I honestly did not know cooking oil could be hot in more than one way! I tried to rationalize this ad, I really did. I CAN'T. Are they insinuating that there are other uses for cooking oil? Are they promoting disciplinary action against fish? I'm so confused.
I'll give these 2 products this, they've got people talking about them...but I still think they're idiotic :)
1. stripper pads (Yes, yes man who is reading this blog, I said pads. Get over it.)
I've only seen this ad once so I'm just hoping and trusting that the stupidity of the human race is at a constant and not -as previously thought- increasing. This ad features a very attractive woman stripping. It's a really short ad and they show what they call 'tasteful nudity' so you don't really see anything but you know she's taking off her clothes...then the ad ends and they say the brand name of the pads. That's it. I'm not an expert. Maybe the strippers were converting to tampons. I have no idea. I just think the ad is stupid.It's a stripper, then its sanitary towels.
2.sexy oil
If I wore a hat I'd take it off to the guys who came up with the ad...then throw it at them. It has everything. A woman who appears to really REALLY like tomatoes, a man who likes to watch her like tomatoes, a rather large fish getting spanked, water and oil flying everywhere, weird facial expressions...then suddenly they're on a beach and guess what, they were advertising cooking oil. I honestly did not know cooking oil could be hot in more than one way! I tried to rationalize this ad, I really did. I CAN'T. Are they insinuating that there are other uses for cooking oil? Are they promoting disciplinary action against fish? I'm so confused.
I'll give these 2 products this, they've got people talking about them...but I still think they're idiotic :)
Monday, August 27, 2012
Ode to SUPER-DOUGHNUT
I was going through my list of posts deleting drafts when I came across this one...I don't know why I didn't post it and now the place that sells the SUPER-DOUGHNUT no longer exists. I decided to just share this experience with those of you who were unlucky enough to have missed out on the super snack. Ladies and gentlemen (all 3 of you) let me take you back to a time when life was simpler...food was cheaper...and SUPER-DOUGHNUTS roamed the land opposite my university...
*time traveling noises*
SUPER-DOUGHNUT
This wonderful creation that I decided to name the SUPER-DOUGHNUT (the name has caught on quite fast :))came to me via one of my classmates(without his knowledge) on a Thursday morning. The owner of the SUPER-DOUGHNUT (notice how I only write the name in upper case. It's for emphasis) came to class with this gigantic paper bag that I just lengad 'cause it didn't look extraordinary. I thought it was a t-shirt or something...anyway so he sits down and discloses to one of my girlfriends that he has a doughnut in the massive paper bag. WAIT!
DISCLAIMER:I'm making this part of the story up as I go along. I actually don't know how she discovered that it was a doughnut. I was listening to the lecturer :D My knowledge of what happened that morning begins when I was offered the SUPER-DOUGHNUT.
So he tells her that he has a doughnut and she wonders out loud exactly how many he bought. He tells her that it's just one doughnut and that it's bigger than her head. She gasps, slaps him across the cheek(too much?) and calls him a liar. He grins, savouring the confused look on her face and whips out his doughnut (hehe...sounds a bit wrong). The sheer size of it makes her eyes bulge out of their sockets and exclaim, "It's HUGE!" (hehe...ok. That was the last one). This is when she made the decision to pinch off a large piece and share it with me and a couple of other people. In my defense I didn't know that I was eating stolen goods at first...and it was so yummy that when I found out I didn't really care. I know most of you will not believe me but I SWEAR that thing is HUMONGOUS. Its a monstrosity! The mother of all doughnuts! We ate quite a bit of that doughnut before we were caught and still didn't do enough damage to piss off the owner. After class I really wanted to buy one but was told they only make 3 per day. That only made me want one more! What is it about unavailable things that makes them so irresistible...anyway I craved its cinnamon-y goodness the whole day and created scenes in my mind that involved me being alone with a SUPER-DOUGHNUT. I think that even if the SUPER-DOUGHNUT tasted awful I'd still want one just to say that I have eaten a doughnut bigger than my head.
*time traveling noises*
Clearly, my love for brackets and alama za dukuduku(I always forget what they're called in English. Those 3 dots that make things suspense-y) has only become greater with time :D
*time traveling noises*
SUPER-DOUGHNUT
This wonderful creation that I decided to name the SUPER-DOUGHNUT (the name has caught on quite fast :))came to me via one of my classmates(without his knowledge) on a Thursday morning. The owner of the SUPER-DOUGHNUT (notice how I only write the name in upper case. It's for emphasis) came to class with this gigantic paper bag that I just lengad 'cause it didn't look extraordinary. I thought it was a t-shirt or something...anyway so he sits down and discloses to one of my girlfriends that he has a doughnut in the massive paper bag. WAIT!
DISCLAIMER:I'm making this part of the story up as I go along. I actually don't know how she discovered that it was a doughnut. I was listening to the lecturer :D My knowledge of what happened that morning begins when I was offered the SUPER-DOUGHNUT.
So he tells her that he has a doughnut and she wonders out loud exactly how many he bought. He tells her that it's just one doughnut and that it's bigger than her head. She gasps, slaps him across the cheek(too much?) and calls him a liar. He grins, savouring the confused look on her face and whips out his doughnut (hehe...sounds a bit wrong). The sheer size of it makes her eyes bulge out of their sockets and exclaim, "It's HUGE!" (hehe...ok. That was the last one). This is when she made the decision to pinch off a large piece and share it with me and a couple of other people. In my defense I didn't know that I was eating stolen goods at first...and it was so yummy that when I found out I didn't really care. I know most of you will not believe me but I SWEAR that thing is HUMONGOUS. Its a monstrosity! The mother of all doughnuts! We ate quite a bit of that doughnut before we were caught and still didn't do enough damage to piss off the owner. After class I really wanted to buy one but was told they only make 3 per day. That only made me want one more! What is it about unavailable things that makes them so irresistible...anyway I craved its cinnamon-y goodness the whole day and created scenes in my mind that involved me being alone with a SUPER-DOUGHNUT. I think that even if the SUPER-DOUGHNUT tasted awful I'd still want one just to say that I have eaten a doughnut bigger than my head.
*time traveling noises*
Clearly, my love for brackets and alama za dukuduku(I always forget what they're called in English. Those 3 dots that make things suspense-y) has only become greater with time :D
Monday, July 30, 2012
What are you selling?
I almost didn't want to post this because my last post was my 69th :D ANYWAY innuendos aside I haven't posted in a couple of months. I refuse to be bullied into feeling apologetic towards my readers (I seem to get like one more every year but yay! I'm not complaining :) ). It is within my rights as a person to be lazy.
Today I'm talking about adverts. Our advertising companies are seriously unable to relate to their audience. Case and point;
1. Roof-adillo
People I talk to often will by now be tired of hearing me complain about this ad. It stars an animated armadillo climbing a roof. I have so many problems with this. We live in a country where most of the population has no idea what an armadillo is. We have never seen one because we don't have any (probably why its animated...but then again I don't know how an armadillo would react to being put on a roof. Maybe steel makes them violent :D). Another thing, what was the point of the armadillo? The ad was for roofing sheets. Are we to believe that they're armadillo-resistant? Or that they give free armadillos with each purchase? If their point was the sheets are as strong as an armadillo, guess what; I HAVE NO IDEA HOW STRONG THOSE THINGS ARE. Use examples I can relate to. I don't know...make a guy eat Ugali and compare him to the mabati or something. It's not my job so if my example sucks...its still better than the armadillo :D
2. Oh God please make it stop
This one takes the cake.It features babies bodies that have been CGI'd into a kind of club where they partake in 'save the last dance'-esque (remember that dance movie?)activities. First of all I hate it when they make babies and animals do things on TV that they shouldn't be able to do in real life, so the whole dancing babies in a possibly romantic situation does not fly with me. It's weird, creepy and should be illegal. Secondly, the ad is to promote the drinking of milk. Not a particular brand, just milk in general and I want to know why. Is there a national calcium deficiency we should know about? I need to know these things! If we are in danger of becoming a boneless nation we need to be warned. Though that would be kind of awesome. When you call someone spineless and they really don't have a spine...anyway I digress (as usual) . Thirdly what do they hope to gain from airing that ad? Am I supposed to be motivated to drink milk so I can fulfill my childhood dream of wearing pampers to the club? Honestly I don't know exactly who their target audience is. If they were trying to be cute they have FAILED.
Today I'm talking about adverts. Our advertising companies are seriously unable to relate to their audience. Case and point;
1. Roof-adillo
People I talk to often will by now be tired of hearing me complain about this ad. It stars an animated armadillo climbing a roof. I have so many problems with this. We live in a country where most of the population has no idea what an armadillo is. We have never seen one because we don't have any (probably why its animated...but then again I don't know how an armadillo would react to being put on a roof. Maybe steel makes them violent :D). Another thing, what was the point of the armadillo? The ad was for roofing sheets. Are we to believe that they're armadillo-resistant? Or that they give free armadillos with each purchase? If their point was the sheets are as strong as an armadillo, guess what; I HAVE NO IDEA HOW STRONG THOSE THINGS ARE. Use examples I can relate to. I don't know...make a guy eat Ugali and compare him to the mabati or something. It's not my job so if my example sucks...its still better than the armadillo :D
2. Oh God please make it stop
This one takes the cake.It features babies bodies that have been CGI'd into a kind of club where they partake in 'save the last dance'-esque (remember that dance movie?)activities. First of all I hate it when they make babies and animals do things on TV that they shouldn't be able to do in real life, so the whole dancing babies in a possibly romantic situation does not fly with me. It's weird, creepy and should be illegal. Secondly, the ad is to promote the drinking of milk. Not a particular brand, just milk in general and I want to know why. Is there a national calcium deficiency we should know about? I need to know these things! If we are in danger of becoming a boneless nation we need to be warned. Though that would be kind of awesome. When you call someone spineless and they really don't have a spine...anyway I digress (as usual) . Thirdly what do they hope to gain from airing that ad? Am I supposed to be motivated to drink milk so I can fulfill my childhood dream of wearing pampers to the club? Honestly I don't know exactly who their target audience is. If they were trying to be cute they have FAILED.
Friday, April 6, 2012
I'm not a journalist,buuuut....
There have been complaints about my inconsistency in blogging. Actually one complaint. No one really reads my insightful and heartfelt pieces. On the plus side, the one person is NOT my mum so yaaay! and sorry Duncan. I'll try harder :)
Since its Easter weekend and I've been abandonned by virtually EVERYONE, I'm bored. So today I picked up a newspaper (I read them once in a while. I mostly depend on the internet for information. It's faster,easier and cheaper although sometimes the information I get has even less substance than the info in those tabloids for 10 bob. Those things have the funniest stories!!! But I digress...)and I was appalled. I read the worst piece of journalism. Actually let me rephrase that, my eyes were assaulted by the worst piece of attempted journalism that has ever been printed. I won't name the paper. I'm not sure of the legal ramifications of that...(as if they'd ever find this blog).The content of the story wasn't so bad (kinda boring and obvious but not bad) but the grammar! Oh Lord! I thought newspapers had editors. Did the editor go on holiday? Did he let his 10 year old kid do his work for him? WAS HE HIGH??? I wont claim to be an expert on journalism- as seen in the way I write- but I know someone somewhere is definitely not doing their job. I'm offended that he (I'll assume the editor was a man. I still have faith in women) thought no one would notice that atrocity. That article has even given me hope. I dont need to find a profitable talent. I just need to write for that paper. You clearly only need to have made it through standard 4 to write for them so I'll be good. The worst thing about the article was the attempts at humour...they were so painfull that I was wincing as I read them. I acknowledge that not everyone has my undeniable wit and uncanny sense of timing *flips hair over shoulder* but the guy could have tried harder.
In completely unrelated news this song is AWESOME. It's made me molest the repeat button - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xXWlmg6p0-g
Since its Easter weekend and I've been abandonned by virtually EVERYONE, I'm bored. So today I picked up a newspaper (I read them once in a while. I mostly depend on the internet for information. It's faster,easier and cheaper although sometimes the information I get has even less substance than the info in those tabloids for 10 bob. Those things have the funniest stories!!! But I digress...)and I was appalled. I read the worst piece of journalism. Actually let me rephrase that, my eyes were assaulted by the worst piece of attempted journalism that has ever been printed. I won't name the paper. I'm not sure of the legal ramifications of that...(as if they'd ever find this blog).The content of the story wasn't so bad (kinda boring and obvious but not bad) but the grammar! Oh Lord! I thought newspapers had editors. Did the editor go on holiday? Did he let his 10 year old kid do his work for him? WAS HE HIGH??? I wont claim to be an expert on journalism- as seen in the way I write- but I know someone somewhere is definitely not doing their job. I'm offended that he (I'll assume the editor was a man. I still have faith in women) thought no one would notice that atrocity. That article has even given me hope. I dont need to find a profitable talent. I just need to write for that paper. You clearly only need to have made it through standard 4 to write for them so I'll be good. The worst thing about the article was the attempts at humour...they were so painfull that I was wincing as I read them. I acknowledge that not everyone has my undeniable wit and uncanny sense of timing *flips hair over shoulder* but the guy could have tried harder.
In completely unrelated news this song is AWESOME. It's made me molest the repeat button - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xXWlmg6p0-g
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Naked people
As usual I have a misleading title. I'm not going to complain about the fact that a large number of my fellow women have been gradually developing an allergy to clothes (though it IS very rant-worthy). Today, its about the government's secret plan to make us naked. The reasons for this are not quite clear to me yet but conspiracy theorists(not really.Just me) think the government intends to make the most of prostitution before it becomes legal i.e. make all women look like whores so we can get arrested and fined for prostitution thus increasing the amount of money available for our leaders to take their mistresses on holiday, build mansions and buy gigantic T.V's to watch the rest of us die of starvation in HD. I digress. The topic is nudity. So last night on the news I saw that they're levying taxes on mitumba clothes. As an average Kenyan citizen of average means I was appalled. I don't like to use a lot of money on ANYTHING!(Mostly because I rarely have any but that's not the point) Mitumba provides an alternative source of affordable but fashion forward clothing for Kenyans who don't like going into a store and seeing one t-shirt reproduced 30 times and more importantly for those who can't afford the things in those stores whose target is the middle and upper class Kenyan who makes up less than half the population. Why are they taxing them?? People are already taxed for everything. Its not as if there's no money. We can see the money going to buy the M.P's chairs costing 200,000 bob and buying expensive cars and hiring foreign lawyers to represent them for crimes they committed against the very people who chose them to lead...ANYWAY, I digress again. So yes. They are imposing taxes so that we cant afford clothes leaving us with no choice but to wear fewer items of clothing, making us look like ladies of the night so we can get arrested and fined for prostitution. Yeah. I said it.
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Ban evil children...happy new year!
Happy new year! First post of 2012 which is apparently the end of the world (again). I personally think that people keep predicting the end of the world because they get off on the idea. I don't mean that most people are necrophiliacs... I just mean that the danger that comes with being so close to death is a turn on, but its also safe because you're not REALLY putting yourself at risk. Religions that believe in any kind of apocalypse clearly state that no human can ever be right in predicting the end days so why bother? I'll tell you why. It's exciting :) ANYWAY, that's just me.
I want to start off this year by complaining about demonic babies. No, not those insane children who try to bite your toes and leap off tables like some miniature version of cat-woman(I'm not making this up. I met this child). Those babies are just hyper-active. I'm talking about those movies that have possessed kids or demons disguised as children. It is seriously freaky! I don't scare easily but when a movie has an axe-murdering, soul sucking or shape-shifting child I can almost die. I think horror movies should be like porn. You cant act in it unless you're above 18 or else they'll arrest your parents or whoever they arrest. Anyone found selling films with such content should be fined or beaten or whatever and there should be campaigns against child-horrorography (not a word). Who's with me?!!!
In unrelated news: 2011 was an amazing year for me. Thanks to all the amazing people in my life who played their part (some more than others :)) in my 2011, there are so many moments that will torment me/ I'll cherish for the rest of my life. I don't like to be overly emotional or personal on the internet so yeah...mnajijua :)
I want to start off this year by complaining about demonic babies. No, not those insane children who try to bite your toes and leap off tables like some miniature version of cat-woman(I'm not making this up. I met this child). Those babies are just hyper-active. I'm talking about those movies that have possessed kids or demons disguised as children. It is seriously freaky! I don't scare easily but when a movie has an axe-murdering, soul sucking or shape-shifting child I can almost die. I think horror movies should be like porn. You cant act in it unless you're above 18 or else they'll arrest your parents or whoever they arrest. Anyone found selling films with such content should be fined or beaten or whatever and there should be campaigns against child-horrorography (not a word). Who's with me?!!!
In unrelated news: 2011 was an amazing year for me. Thanks to all the amazing people in my life who played their part (some more than others :)) in my 2011, there are so many moments that will torment me/ I'll cherish for the rest of my life. I don't like to be overly emotional or personal on the internet so yeah...mnajijua :)
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