I've never been good with titles....so I'm not going to bother

I have tried with all my might to ignore this but I can bear this internal anguish no longer. A few months ago, a popular brand of toilet paper re-branded (believe me this story is not going where you think it is). Due to the fact that I am neither a journalist nor a lawyer,I am not sure whether I'm allowed to state the brand name or not. I don't want to be sued (haha!as if enough people read this blog. But anyway. My paranoia and sense of self-importance won't me say what brand it is). So anyway, they re-branded and decided to make their logo (mascot?) a cat. It is an adorable little thing but what the hell does it have to do with the loo??? Are they saying that the t.p. is a soft as a cat? If that's what they're trying to say, how did they know how soft a cat feels on a persons butt? Are they doing some kind of sick animal testing? What other animals have they tested? How many people agreed to be testers? WHY did they agree? If they mean something else, what is it?!?! I want the PR person of this t.p. brand to come out and state their objectives 'cause I'm very confused and saddened that the feline race (I doubt that they're a race but whatever :)) are being associated with such crap. Literally. Another ad campaign that pisses me off is this one for this bank. It's like a pirated version- not even made in China. Made somewhere off the coast of China- of the 'old spice' ads. The 'old spice' ads= genius! The bank ones= lame. When you steal ideas at least make sure they measure up. Really, people. COME ON!

This is not really a rant. More like a short story on the dangers of using t9 or predictive text while texting;
So I was supposed to meet my...someone...in town today. When I get there I start texting 'im in town' while walking. I think I somehow got distracted and accidentally (like the dyslexic I try not to be) switch the letters w and n. Where is the danger in this you ask. Well kids, you see in predictive text the word that makes the most sense with the letter combination of the numbers 8669 is 'tony'. I almost sent a text saying 'im in tony'. The someone would probably have found it kinda funny but what if I'd been texting my mum???

holiday time!!!

Yes! Time to put down the books, grow fat and look for attachment...ok the last part is kind of an anticlimax but its fine. It has to be done so I'll do it. Anyway, my last blogpost was a while ago and sooo much has happened since then but I'll only tell you (most of) what happened since I put down my last paper.

1.Thursday
The last paper was done (computer science.booo!). It was mildly crappy with a side of 'blekh!' but I don't think I've failed it...thaaaat much...anyway it was put down. The end of the paper was the beginning of awesomeness. A friend baked a cake in celebration and I'm telling you that girl can bake! The cake was so good that I think she might have laced it with drugs (good drugs. Not the ones they put in the bhajias at...some place we eat sometimes). Post-cake the drinking began, and with great alcohol consumption comes great insanity. I don't drink by the way. I was high on coca-cola (I was going to say 'coke' then thought about how it sounded.haha!) mostly because my dear friends forgot to share...other things with me :/. Anyway it was a good night. Mostly. I ran into too many of my classmates. Now the image they had of me being a studious, angelic, holy girl are out the window. Sad. Hopefully they'll have forgotten by the time september comes around. I don't have much faith in that happening but yeah.

2.friday
I got home in the morning and SLEPT til around lunchtime. I missed a semi-important meeting and could not locate my phone for a couple of hours but later in the afternoon I was out. SLEEPOVER!!! Intensely fun...hehe. It was the climax of my weekend :)

3.sunday
The sleepover ended on saturday but when I got home all I did was watch movies so let me jump to sunday. At around 9 a.m. I saw my phone had a missed call from a pal who'd been inciting me to go for safari rally. I called back and was notified that I had 20 minutes to get dressed. That was a roadtrip and a half! Our driver (he's going to kill me for blogging about this but I hope he'll only half-kill me if I don't mention his name) was just mr. super-navigator and instead of going to kajiado we ended up in machakos. MACHAKOS! It was so funny!If we hadn't seen the sign-post I don't even know where we would have gone. So we were around 45 minutes off course, had to drive all the way back to some junction, met a couple of dead ends,almost started driving to namanga, got laughed at by some bodaboda drivers but we finally made it. I realized something that day. NO-ONE goes to see the cars. This makes sense because quite honestly I didnt understand the logic behind driving all the way to the middle of nowhere to see some cars pass by and scream at them. I ran into a large number of my highly intoxicated (excuse the pun)friends and finally got the...other things :) (refer to friday). In short it was awesome. We ate nyama (almost got lost going to the nyama place thanks to mr. super-navigator) and got dusty at the side of the road with friends. Fun times...

The law of attraction

I haven't blogged in like three years-more like a month but hyperbole always makes things more interesting-and I was touched that some people noticed and asked me why. You don't know this but I was blushing internally...you know...'cause I don't know how to blush (plus I'm too dark for my skin to change colour...unless I get sunburn). So yesterday as I was on my way home at an ungodly hour from doing things that may or may not be considered immoral in my religion I was thinking about what I should blog about. This doesn't ever happen mostly because my posts are the babies of my random thoughts so I REALLY thought about this. THEN something happened right outside the gate of my estate that made me laugh so hard that I have to share it...

Time- 11ish p.m.
Venue- the stretch between my estate and the next stage (like 20m long.)
Reason for being there- STUPID matatu passed my estate because there were too many people in the mat and I couldn't get to the kange in time. We were squashed into that matatu like sijui those kukus for shags and we still paid 50bob!NKT!I'll rant about this some other time.
story:I don't know how many of you have read a book called 'The Secret'. Its some motivational book about how if you want something bad enough and think about it and blablabla the universe will give it to you. It sounds like some hippy nonsense and honestly I think 'the universe' is just a name for everything that exists but there IS some truth to it... if you replace 'the universe' with God and 'think' with pray :)
I have to start from about a week ago. I was broke and whining (its my thing)about how I need a steady source of income. I don't think I have any exploitable talents (apparently sarcasm doesn't pay very well. Who knew) so I gave up thinking about it and declared to the people sitting next to me in class that I want a sugar-daddy. I was not being serious. Not really anyway. And I don't think I thought about it thaaaat much but last night I think the universe was trying to deliver me a sugar-daddy. It was kinda scary but funny. So I got out of mat pissed that I had to walk 20m instead of 2 doing my angry walk-we all have one- then as I was walking to my estate this car (prado. Eish. Enyewe universe ilijaribu!)starts slowing down behind me. I thought the driver was turning into another estate but the guy rolls down the window and starts asking me where I'm going. I freaked out, but the thing about me is I have no 'flight' reflexes. I just can't run. It's been scientifically proven. I just told him (while increasing my pace) that I'm almost home. Then he starts asking if he can give me a lift, why I'm going home so early, do I want to go somewhere else...AIIIIIIII!!!!!WTF!NO!I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO THE HELL YOU ARE! That was in my mind. Out loud I spoke considering the fact that the guy is in a large car and could easily run me over if I pissed him off.Plus, there would be no witnesses. So I politely declined his offer and said I'm already home. That did not stop him from following me to the gate with more questions. I have never been so happy to see our watchmen. I almost hugged them. So yeah. This post is to formally announce to the universe that I WAS JOKING. NO MORE SUGAR-DADDIES PLEASE. Now I should just ask the universe for money directly...hehe...

sidebar: yesterday my class had its first girl-fight. Aaaw. We're growing! :D It honestly made my day! That and the person I may or may not have been doing immoral things with ;)

Chickenosaur

Disclaimer:I am a very religious person (kinda) and so obviously I believe in the creationist theory. The idea of evolution is quite interesting but I wouldn't like to live my life thinking that monkeys are among my ancestors.

Chicken are today's dinosaurs. I have never laughed so hard in my life! From gigantic, powerful, carnivorous and fear inducing creatures to what I put in my sandwiches (with lettuce,tomatoes,cheese and mayonnaise...mmm...now I'm hungry). Its so unfair to the dinos...they have such underachieving successors :). Maybe one day chicken shall acknowledge their ancestry and rise up against us. Or maybe they already tried but our superior technology crushed their resistance (think about it...bird flu...chicken have learned the art of biological warfare.)
Evolution seems to be very unfair...it decided that some monkeys should remain monkeys while other monkeys stop being so hairy,walk upright and write books about how much better they are than other animals. I have always wondered how primates reacted when that first human-like monkeys were born. Did they think that they were retarded babies? Did it happen one by one or were all the babies of certain generations suddenly different? Did the primates that weren't evolving feel left out or were they just thinking, "Your cousin is a FREAK!"? Did the evolved primates copulate with the un-evolved ones to form romantic drama-esque scenarios?

** girl primate(obviously,she's the evolved one):oh Alejandro! We cannot be together! My mother says that you have not yet mastered the art of using your opposable thumbs!
boy primate: (picking flea out of his ear and eating it) eeeeeeeeeep!**

Come to think of it...that scenario is not so different from what happens today. Just replace the 'eeeeep' with a 'what?'.Hehe...oh yes I did :)

Back to the matter at hand. Evolution is a BITCH! So in the next couple of millenia will there be a class of super-humans who will treat normal humans like animals? Will the chicken reclaim its past glory? Should we fear the rise of the man-eating chicken? This and more next time on regional geographic (see what I did there?), a totally biased view on the earths past, present and future.

His Noodliness...

I LOVE knowing weird things. I'm a well of very useless but interesting knowledge. So how this has managed to escape me for the past six years, I don't know. I'm ashamed that I did not discover this sooner and feel like a failure as a knower (*not a word) of useless things. What am I talking about? The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Those of you who know me and have had contact with me over the past 7 hours are probably groaning and thinking, "Really? Will she ever shut up about this thing?!" The answer is no. I will not. I may be late but at least now I know about it and until I get tired of it or I'm killed by relatives/friends/random people I talk to who are tired of my constant yapping about this religion.

It started as an argument with my sister who said there was a religion called 'Flying Bowl of Pasta'. I told her no one could possibly be stupid enough to worship spaghetti(I was kinda right as I will explain in a while). After nearly dying of laughter I googled the phrase to prove her wrong. Technically she WAS wrong 'cause there was nothing about flying bowls of pasta but there was something called The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. I was about to admit that the girl was right when I read through the origin of the religion. The founder of FSM (also known an Pastafarianism-HAAHA!)was a guy who was against the teaching of creationism in schools. What I got from the article I read was; his point was that the post of God can be filled by any deity from any religion and thus since he believes in an all powerful Spaghetti Monster, it too as to be part of the curriculum (which is-of course-utterly ridiculous). Its not really a religion but the stuff that guy came up with is intensely awesome. From its stripper and beer-full heaven to its belief that the decrease in the number of pirates is the leading cause of global warming. This was an interesting way of tackling the problem. Even the pope thought so. He may have poked fun at the major religions but still. Good stuff! You should go to uncyclopedia and read the stuff they've written about FSM. Some people have waaay too much time on their hands :)

super people (underwear in)

Two posts in two days...this must be a record!anyway yeah. The zit ,in all its red glowing DISGUSTING glory is still with me. That however is not what this post is about. I had an awesome day. The Green Hornet is a must watch! I love movies that don't have your typical heroes. If they are not wearing spandex and their underwear is inside their pants I'm hooked :). I don't like the way people try to make heroes look like they are not susceptible to normal things like mistakes and selfishness ...and jealousy (unless of course the hero is not human. In that case carry on with your righteous self *cough that sounds suspiciously like superman*). I also love it when the love story is a bit off. Or non-existent like in The Mechanic-another seriously awesome movie. Not EVERYTHING has to involve some unattainable girl that must be won over by your decision to wear your underwear over your pants *cough that sounds suspiciously like superman*. Sometimes no matter how much the underwear sets off the colour of your eyes, the girl will not fall for you! I liked the way in The Green Hornet, the person perceived to be the hero was just a very silly man with a lot of money and an insanely smart Japanese(stereotype much?) friend. And that 'the girl' was not some weak mama with a damsel-in-distress complex but the mastermind (even though she didn't know it). In short, I don't like this storyline that's been repeated since sijui prehistoric times. There has never been and there never will be a human being (not counting prophets. They're special) who is so utterly selfless that they would make it their job to safeguard the lives of people they don't know, EVERY SINGLE DAY, without compensation. Such a person probably wouldn't last long anyway. Death seems to like people who go looking for it.

Damn it! Its feb already!

Again I have failed as a blogger. Its ok though. I apparently have other more marketable talents that I can't talk about 'cause technically last night never happened :) (sorry for using an inside joke in the blog but it had to be done!). Anyway its been a reeeeeally long while since my last post and I have so much to say that I could write a mini-series or something but don't worry. I won't subject you guys to all the gory details of my life (which, by the way, is getting stranger by the day.) main points;

1.Mango season
Mangoes are now my favourite fruit. WHAT! I'm so in love. I've been eating so many that my family members are starting to not like my visits because of the rate of mango-depletion that occurs when I'm around. There are these mangoes that are sold near my hostel. OGF! I felt like I was walking on a cloud that was floating on the waters of a river in heaven. I was transported to a magical place where anything is possible and all my dreams came true. Then I finished the mango and immediately started having withdrawal symptoms so I bought another one. I don't know what I'm going to do when mango season is over. Sijui rehab...

2. School (yes. I did just put mangoes before school)
Things are getting thick! This year I don't even know whats happening. I lost focuss *sigh*. I'm in the process of getting it back though. I can't let second sem do me like first sem. First sem was just a nasty kapervert who kept doing things I didn't like or enjoy...on a lighter note, class is very interesting these days. People have relaxed around each other and we are like a small community (that is deprived of females :/. I think my male classmates can sympathize with the Chinese.)

3. Stuff
I'm trying the relationship thing and I don't just suck at it, I'm the worst girlfriend ever! The sad thing is there's really nothing I can do about it because its just the way I am. I was better as a single person...
My personal life has been interesting of late mainly because of internal conflict and shit. It's not fun but its interesting. Now every time I hear a song about making choices and doing the right thing I just get depressed (fake depression. Not the real one). The wrong thing is always the most fun thing to do. Forbidden fruit tastes like mangoes :). Seriously. Sometimes I think God tests me too much. Surely. A girl can only contain herself for so long then you put temptation right there in her face???? AAAAAAH! Unfairness! And what if by doing the wrong thing, I'm doing the right thing? What if the only reason the right thing is right is because you made a stupid impulsive decision that you don't know how to undo? I hate being a grown-up. Mummy!

Aaaaaand those are the highlights. I'll try to blog over the next two weeks as much as possible. TRY being the operative word :)