Happy new year!! *insert all corny new year jokes* Now that I'm done with that I can move on to more pressing issues. I was lucky enough to have spent part of my holiday in Dubai- bought a bunch of useless Arabian paraphernalia that I'm very proud of- and I have never felt so much like a child of poverty from a third world country. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL. I'm one of those Africans who'd never left Africa so it was crazy. I'm sure there's someone scoffing at me thinking 'Europe is better' but since I only see Europe via TV I'm going to go ahead and say that Dubai is the most beautiful city in the world. Funny thing though, I only saw a handful of Arabs. Other than on the road driving ridiculously sexy cars and at some tourist sites the Arabs were scarce. Then a taxi driver explained why...they don't work. Their government has put in place policies that they basically get the rest of the world to work for them. I wish my government would so the same thing for me...hehe...anyway, the sad thing is that place is a desert yet somehow they've managed to outdo us to a level that's even sad. Even their museums almost made me drool (I love museums). Holographs, videos, interactive screens and an entire Arab market made in a way that makes you feel like you've been taken back through time to an Arab village with all its sounds, sights and smells. There was even a video showing us their future plans to make the already amazing city even better. They are going to reclaim more land from the ocean to build little islands in the shape of the globe. Yes. Then the buildings...the buildings...I'd imagine that in the desert they have problems like really high wind speeds and sandstorms but that doesn't get in the way of their construction of the most beautiful and unique structures. The Burj Khalifa is one of those things you need to see for yourself. No picture or explanation will do it justice so I wont even try. It was the highlight of the trip for me...closely followed by a belly-dancer and the best kaimatis I've ever eaten.
I could sing praises of Dubai til next year but I'll just wrap it up by saying their public transport is better than their private transport system and if you have the chance to go DON'T pass it up.
Sunday, January 6, 2013
Saturday, November 10, 2012
Theory of stupidity
There's a quote almost everyone knows that was supposedly by Albert Einstein but ,as we all know, the internet at times is not the most reliable of sources. People attribute anything they want people to agree with to famous people. Anyway, the quote goes something like, 'Only 2 things are infinite; the universe and human stupidity'. I may have gotten the wording wrong but that's the general idea of the statement. I, Zker, today would like to say that I disagree with this statement completely. I don't care if Einstein really did say it, he was wrong. Yes. I am controversial like that.
I don't disagree with the universe part. My knowledge of theoretical physics is limited to what I hear on The Big Bang Theory so I'll let him have that one. My problem lies in the human stupidity section. Human stupidity is NOT infinite. Humans are too stupid to have new ways to be stupid. We just keep repeating past stupidity in different scenarios. In high school I liked history because I barely had to read for it. If you know the reasons for one war/uprising, you know the reasons for all the wars/uprisings. The history of the human race is like an episode of Tom and Jerry. You watch thinking,' Yes. Now Tom knows that if he tries to chase Jerry into the hole he will hit his head on the wall,' right before he tries to chase Jerry into the hole and hits his head on the wall. People just keep doing things that they know will not work and there's no logical reason why. So whoever came up with that quote, Einstein or not, you were wrong. Our stupidity is limited but can be applied to a wide range of situations.
Note: If you do not acknowledge how clever the title of this post is then there's something wrong with you. It is amazing wordplay. I deserve an award for this title.
I don't disagree with the universe part. My knowledge of theoretical physics is limited to what I hear on The Big Bang Theory so I'll let him have that one. My problem lies in the human stupidity section. Human stupidity is NOT infinite. Humans are too stupid to have new ways to be stupid. We just keep repeating past stupidity in different scenarios. In high school I liked history because I barely had to read for it. If you know the reasons for one war/uprising, you know the reasons for all the wars/uprisings. The history of the human race is like an episode of Tom and Jerry. You watch thinking,' Yes. Now Tom knows that if he tries to chase Jerry into the hole he will hit his head on the wall,' right before he tries to chase Jerry into the hole and hits his head on the wall. People just keep doing things that they know will not work and there's no logical reason why. So whoever came up with that quote, Einstein or not, you were wrong. Our stupidity is limited but can be applied to a wide range of situations.
Note: If you do not acknowledge how clever the title of this post is then there's something wrong with you. It is amazing wordplay. I deserve an award for this title.
Sunday, October 28, 2012
Blessings from the rain gods
I love rain. I don't mean El-nino-esque situations (too many hyphens?), I mean light showers...a hint of thunder, a couple of women running around with paper-bags on their heads... I'm a cloudy weather kind of person. The sun is nice but sunny weather is overrated. And sweaty. That's one of the reasons I love November- other reasons involve a blessing bestowed upon the earth in the form of a baby girl, sent to earth to shine the light of her smile into the hearts of mankind. Yes, I was born in November :)
On to the complaint. This is the 21st century. How do we let little drops of water from the sky dictate our lives? The moment clouds appear to gather all hell breaks loose. Matatus start charging as if the rain will make them take a detour to Lodwar first, people (especially women) become violent, everyone rushes out of their offices -ironically- to beat the traffic jams that they cause by all rushing out at the same time and then the traffic cops show up. Traffic cops. I have a 'the chicken or the egg' dilemma with them. I'm not sure if jams cause them to show up or if jams happen because they showed up.
Then there's the issue of the blackouts. Our electrical systems don't seem to be able to withstand certain amounts of rain. This is mildly insane as the climate generally follows the same pattern year after year...we know what kind of rain we're going to have and when we'll have it but KPLC of KPC- or whatever our electrical company wants to call itself- seems to think we should just keep praying to the rain gods that it will only drizzle that year. UPGRADE!!! Instead of paying for adverts (I always go back to the ads) which you don't need, seeing as you're our sole supplier of electricity, use the money to UPGRADE. And what's this nonsense with the pre-paid meters? Its like a homeless person buying an i-phone. Deal with the important issues first. I can't be having black-outs for the whole day. I'm a modern woman. I have stuff that needs googling.There's a country where the minister for energy(of wherever electricity falls) was forced to resign after a blackout... I'm just saying.
So. Rain is our friend, I hate KPC and November is the best month of the year :) (Yes, yes...October technically hasn't ended yet but I believe November isn't usually given enough time)
On to the complaint. This is the 21st century. How do we let little drops of water from the sky dictate our lives? The moment clouds appear to gather all hell breaks loose. Matatus start charging as if the rain will make them take a detour to Lodwar first, people (especially women) become violent, everyone rushes out of their offices -ironically- to beat the traffic jams that they cause by all rushing out at the same time and then the traffic cops show up. Traffic cops. I have a 'the chicken or the egg' dilemma with them. I'm not sure if jams cause them to show up or if jams happen because they showed up.
Then there's the issue of the blackouts. Our electrical systems don't seem to be able to withstand certain amounts of rain. This is mildly insane as the climate generally follows the same pattern year after year...we know what kind of rain we're going to have and when we'll have it but KPLC of KPC- or whatever our electrical company wants to call itself- seems to think we should just keep praying to the rain gods that it will only drizzle that year. UPGRADE!!! Instead of paying for adverts (I always go back to the ads) which you don't need, seeing as you're our sole supplier of electricity, use the money to UPGRADE. And what's this nonsense with the pre-paid meters? Its like a homeless person buying an i-phone. Deal with the important issues first. I can't be having black-outs for the whole day. I'm a modern woman. I have stuff that needs googling.There's a country where the minister for energy(of wherever electricity falls) was forced to resign after a blackout... I'm just saying.
So. Rain is our friend, I hate KPC and November is the best month of the year :) (Yes, yes...October technically hasn't ended yet but I believe November isn't usually given enough time)
Sunday, October 21, 2012
False advertising
I've had a couple of posts about Kenyan advertising but this one is the one closest to my heart. The hating shall occur in 3 parts;
1; the kiosk/kibanda
We all have this ka-shop near our estate/school/place of work that sells cheap food. This is not a fancy place. It is pocket friendly, mabati and wood make up the decor and the food is not for the weak of stomach. I don't mind these places as I am quite, as they say, 'hood' but I find it so funny when these places have pictures of ice-cream sundaes, pizzas and burgers. WHY are you putting up pictures of that food when you're serving people limp cabbage and yellow-ish ugali?? Are you trying to make people feel bad? Take a picture of your funny looking ndengu with its many stones and hang it up there instead of downloading the first thing you saw on google. Liars.
2.The salon/barber shop
I know for a fact that Beyonce does not do her hair near afya centre. Why do you have her picture hanging outside your salon? This may be the reason for so many bad weaves in Nairobi. People go in with high expectations only to leave looking like poodles. Take a picture of work that you've actually done, it makes more sense. I know for a fact that most girls like getting their picture taken. It wouldn't be too hard to convince someone to be your hair model.
3.The passport size photo place
These ones seem to like Chris Brown because yes, of course Chris Brown would go downtown for passport size photos. It doesn't make sense to me that your sample pictures are of people who may not even know where Nairobi is. Yes its a nice picture but you didn't take it. How am I supposed to trust your work when you don't have enough faith in it to use it in your advertising?I think American celebs would find it interesting to walk around town, it would be a strange experience for them. Close to omniscience :D
1; the kiosk/kibanda
We all have this ka-shop near our estate/school/place of work that sells cheap food. This is not a fancy place. It is pocket friendly, mabati and wood make up the decor and the food is not for the weak of stomach. I don't mind these places as I am quite, as they say, 'hood' but I find it so funny when these places have pictures of ice-cream sundaes, pizzas and burgers. WHY are you putting up pictures of that food when you're serving people limp cabbage and yellow-ish ugali?? Are you trying to make people feel bad? Take a picture of your funny looking ndengu with its many stones and hang it up there instead of downloading the first thing you saw on google. Liars.
2.The salon/barber shop
I know for a fact that Beyonce does not do her hair near afya centre. Why do you have her picture hanging outside your salon? This may be the reason for so many bad weaves in Nairobi. People go in with high expectations only to leave looking like poodles. Take a picture of work that you've actually done, it makes more sense. I know for a fact that most girls like getting their picture taken. It wouldn't be too hard to convince someone to be your hair model.
3.The passport size photo place
These ones seem to like Chris Brown because yes, of course Chris Brown would go downtown for passport size photos. It doesn't make sense to me that your sample pictures are of people who may not even know where Nairobi is. Yes its a nice picture but you didn't take it. How am I supposed to trust your work when you don't have enough faith in it to use it in your advertising?I think American celebs would find it interesting to walk around town, it would be a strange experience for them. Close to omniscience :D
Monday, October 8, 2012
Hairology
This post is a bit heavier than my usual ones so if you want to laugh...go to the next post :). This is what happens when I blog in the middle of the night *spooky noises* (This blog is awesome. Which other blog will give you such amazing sound effects???)
Due to some walldropping -one of my made up words- on facebook (I am not proud...but we've all clicked on a link that wasn't meant for us, am I right?) I discovered something that's been right under our noses...something that could shake the very foundations of our beliefs as Africans. A discovery that will forever change the way we view life. What is this discovery? Hang on... *suspense-y noises* ( I don't know what they are but they must exist) this post is called hairology so I have to explain that first THEN come back to the discovery. I promise they are related.
The link was to a website about black girls getting back to their roots (literally) and growing back their natural hair i.e. operation ditch the perm. It's something I've been considering so I read a couple of articles and they had some really good info ...but there's something unnerving that stood out in many of the posts. My decision to 'go natural' is mostly for financial(I am poor) and time-saving(I have no time for salons) purposes but from the articles I read its like black girls NEED to be convinced that their natural hair is ok. As in this going natural thing is seriously a revolution(trust me to unwittingly stumble into one). There's a particular jargon associated with it, testimonies, encouragement, the whole package. Personally I think its weird that we have to have a revolution for us to do something which is meant to come to us naturally. When did we get to this point where we have to be told that its possible to keep natural hair? When did we start thinking that we got 'stuck with the bad hair'? Obviously if you treat your hair like a white girl it will break like a nonsense because you may think you're white, but your hair knows better. We don't have to copy everything that's thrown at us.
I'm not saying we all have beautiful hair. Some people just have bad hair, but it's not dependent on race. If you're one of those its ok. These days people make very realistic hair, you can go buy some. I'm not saying its bad to experiment, go try all the colours, chemicals and feathers (I've been seeing them in people's hair of late) you want. I'm just saying don't do it to escape the fact that you're black. We are so self loathing that we have to be told that we are fine the way God made us. We've let other people set standards for our beauty, and we try so hard to get to them without ever wondering what was so wrong with us in the first place.
So what was the discovery? I discovered that its ok to be black.
Due to some walldropping -one of my made up words- on facebook (I am not proud...but we've all clicked on a link that wasn't meant for us, am I right?) I discovered something that's been right under our noses...something that could shake the very foundations of our beliefs as Africans. A discovery that will forever change the way we view life. What is this discovery? Hang on... *suspense-y noises* ( I don't know what they are but they must exist) this post is called hairology so I have to explain that first THEN come back to the discovery. I promise they are related.
The link was to a website about black girls getting back to their roots (literally) and growing back their natural hair i.e. operation ditch the perm. It's something I've been considering so I read a couple of articles and they had some really good info ...but there's something unnerving that stood out in many of the posts. My decision to 'go natural' is mostly for financial(I am poor) and time-saving(I have no time for salons) purposes but from the articles I read its like black girls NEED to be convinced that their natural hair is ok. As in this going natural thing is seriously a revolution(trust me to unwittingly stumble into one). There's a particular jargon associated with it, testimonies, encouragement, the whole package. Personally I think its weird that we have to have a revolution for us to do something which is meant to come to us naturally. When did we get to this point where we have to be told that its possible to keep natural hair? When did we start thinking that we got 'stuck with the bad hair'? Obviously if you treat your hair like a white girl it will break like a nonsense because you may think you're white, but your hair knows better. We don't have to copy everything that's thrown at us.
I'm not saying we all have beautiful hair. Some people just have bad hair, but it's not dependent on race. If you're one of those its ok. These days people make very realistic hair, you can go buy some. I'm not saying its bad to experiment, go try all the colours, chemicals and feathers (I've been seeing them in people's hair of late) you want. I'm just saying don't do it to escape the fact that you're black. We are so self loathing that we have to be told that we are fine the way God made us. We've let other people set standards for our beauty, and we try so hard to get to them without ever wondering what was so wrong with us in the first place.
So what was the discovery? I discovered that its ok to be black.
Monday, October 1, 2012
sexy oil?I think not!
Again, I have misled you with my title (mwahahaha!). This is not a post about...whatever you thought it was going to be about. Its another one about adverts that don't make sense to me. These 2 ads are not bad per se...they just seem unrelated to the products they're selling. Cooking oil and sanitary towels are NEVER EVER meant to be sexy. You just can't do that. You can't allow me to think its an ad for condoms right up to the end then spring every day products which should NEEEEEVER EEEEVER be thought of in a sexual context.(EVER)
1. stripper pads (Yes, yes man who is reading this blog, I said pads. Get over it.)
I've only seen this ad once so I'm just hoping and trusting that the stupidity of the human race is at a constant and not -as previously thought- increasing. This ad features a very attractive woman stripping. It's a really short ad and they show what they call 'tasteful nudity' so you don't really see anything but you know she's taking off her clothes...then the ad ends and they say the brand name of the pads. That's it. I'm not an expert. Maybe the strippers were converting to tampons. I have no idea. I just think the ad is stupid.It's a stripper, then its sanitary towels.
2.sexy oil
If I wore a hat I'd take it off to the guys who came up with the ad...then throw it at them. It has everything. A woman who appears to really REALLY like tomatoes, a man who likes to watch her like tomatoes, a rather large fish getting spanked, water and oil flying everywhere, weird facial expressions...then suddenly they're on a beach and guess what, they were advertising cooking oil. I honestly did not know cooking oil could be hot in more than one way! I tried to rationalize this ad, I really did. I CAN'T. Are they insinuating that there are other uses for cooking oil? Are they promoting disciplinary action against fish? I'm so confused.
I'll give these 2 products this, they've got people talking about them...but I still think they're idiotic :)
1. stripper pads (Yes, yes man who is reading this blog, I said pads. Get over it.)
I've only seen this ad once so I'm just hoping and trusting that the stupidity of the human race is at a constant and not -as previously thought- increasing. This ad features a very attractive woman stripping. It's a really short ad and they show what they call 'tasteful nudity' so you don't really see anything but you know she's taking off her clothes...then the ad ends and they say the brand name of the pads. That's it. I'm not an expert. Maybe the strippers were converting to tampons. I have no idea. I just think the ad is stupid.It's a stripper, then its sanitary towels.
2.sexy oil
If I wore a hat I'd take it off to the guys who came up with the ad...then throw it at them. It has everything. A woman who appears to really REALLY like tomatoes, a man who likes to watch her like tomatoes, a rather large fish getting spanked, water and oil flying everywhere, weird facial expressions...then suddenly they're on a beach and guess what, they were advertising cooking oil. I honestly did not know cooking oil could be hot in more than one way! I tried to rationalize this ad, I really did. I CAN'T. Are they insinuating that there are other uses for cooking oil? Are they promoting disciplinary action against fish? I'm so confused.
I'll give these 2 products this, they've got people talking about them...but I still think they're idiotic :)
Monday, August 27, 2012
Ode to SUPER-DOUGHNUT
I was going through my list of posts deleting drafts when I came across this one...I don't know why I didn't post it and now the place that sells the SUPER-DOUGHNUT no longer exists. I decided to just share this experience with those of you who were unlucky enough to have missed out on the super snack. Ladies and gentlemen (all 3 of you) let me take you back to a time when life was simpler...food was cheaper...and SUPER-DOUGHNUTS roamed the land opposite my university...
*time traveling noises*
SUPER-DOUGHNUT
This wonderful creation that I decided to name the SUPER-DOUGHNUT (the name has caught on quite fast :))came to me via one of my classmates(without his knowledge) on a Thursday morning. The owner of the SUPER-DOUGHNUT (notice how I only write the name in upper case. It's for emphasis) came to class with this gigantic paper bag that I just lengad 'cause it didn't look extraordinary. I thought it was a t-shirt or something...anyway so he sits down and discloses to one of my girlfriends that he has a doughnut in the massive paper bag. WAIT!
DISCLAIMER:I'm making this part of the story up as I go along. I actually don't know how she discovered that it was a doughnut. I was listening to the lecturer :D My knowledge of what happened that morning begins when I was offered the SUPER-DOUGHNUT.
So he tells her that he has a doughnut and she wonders out loud exactly how many he bought. He tells her that it's just one doughnut and that it's bigger than her head. She gasps, slaps him across the cheek(too much?) and calls him a liar. He grins, savouring the confused look on her face and whips out his doughnut (hehe...sounds a bit wrong). The sheer size of it makes her eyes bulge out of their sockets and exclaim, "It's HUGE!" (hehe...ok. That was the last one). This is when she made the decision to pinch off a large piece and share it with me and a couple of other people. In my defense I didn't know that I was eating stolen goods at first...and it was so yummy that when I found out I didn't really care. I know most of you will not believe me but I SWEAR that thing is HUMONGOUS. Its a monstrosity! The mother of all doughnuts! We ate quite a bit of that doughnut before we were caught and still didn't do enough damage to piss off the owner. After class I really wanted to buy one but was told they only make 3 per day. That only made me want one more! What is it about unavailable things that makes them so irresistible...anyway I craved its cinnamon-y goodness the whole day and created scenes in my mind that involved me being alone with a SUPER-DOUGHNUT. I think that even if the SUPER-DOUGHNUT tasted awful I'd still want one just to say that I have eaten a doughnut bigger than my head.
*time traveling noises*
Clearly, my love for brackets and alama za dukuduku(I always forget what they're called in English. Those 3 dots that make things suspense-y) has only become greater with time :D
*time traveling noises*
SUPER-DOUGHNUT
This wonderful creation that I decided to name the SUPER-DOUGHNUT (the name has caught on quite fast :))came to me via one of my classmates(without his knowledge) on a Thursday morning. The owner of the SUPER-DOUGHNUT (notice how I only write the name in upper case. It's for emphasis) came to class with this gigantic paper bag that I just lengad 'cause it didn't look extraordinary. I thought it was a t-shirt or something...anyway so he sits down and discloses to one of my girlfriends that he has a doughnut in the massive paper bag. WAIT!
DISCLAIMER:I'm making this part of the story up as I go along. I actually don't know how she discovered that it was a doughnut. I was listening to the lecturer :D My knowledge of what happened that morning begins when I was offered the SUPER-DOUGHNUT.
So he tells her that he has a doughnut and she wonders out loud exactly how many he bought. He tells her that it's just one doughnut and that it's bigger than her head. She gasps, slaps him across the cheek(too much?) and calls him a liar. He grins, savouring the confused look on her face and whips out his doughnut (hehe...sounds a bit wrong). The sheer size of it makes her eyes bulge out of their sockets and exclaim, "It's HUGE!" (hehe...ok. That was the last one). This is when she made the decision to pinch off a large piece and share it with me and a couple of other people. In my defense I didn't know that I was eating stolen goods at first...and it was so yummy that when I found out I didn't really care. I know most of you will not believe me but I SWEAR that thing is HUMONGOUS. Its a monstrosity! The mother of all doughnuts! We ate quite a bit of that doughnut before we were caught and still didn't do enough damage to piss off the owner. After class I really wanted to buy one but was told they only make 3 per day. That only made me want one more! What is it about unavailable things that makes them so irresistible...anyway I craved its cinnamon-y goodness the whole day and created scenes in my mind that involved me being alone with a SUPER-DOUGHNUT. I think that even if the SUPER-DOUGHNUT tasted awful I'd still want one just to say that I have eaten a doughnut bigger than my head.
*time traveling noises*
Clearly, my love for brackets and alama za dukuduku(I always forget what they're called in English. Those 3 dots that make things suspense-y) has only become greater with time :D
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