Never give up...stupid,stupid,stupid.

I think one of the worst pieces of advice we are given as children is 'never give up'. This motto, drilled into our minds from a very young age, has been a constant source of irritation in my life and I'm pretty sure it has affected a large percentage of the population at one time or another. What am I talking about? How many times have you been accosted by a vendor who,even though you have clearly stated that you either have no use for what they are vending or have no money (hint hint, those guys who sell socks outside lifestyle and near Nairobi hospital.seriously. I don't want your damn socks!), keeps following you til you end up either running away or saying something rude? Or how many times have you received unwanted attention from a member of the opposite (or same) gender and actually had to leave the place or threaten the person with an ass-whooping just to get them to leave you alone? And how many times have you been/seen a friend get hounded by an ex or past...umm...'acquaintance' who has refused to believe that its over and thinks that 'you will see the light'. Please. Stop it. At least the sock people can say that they are earning a living but whats everyone else's excuse? If you think you can wear someone down with your constant badgering you are very wrong. Chances are you'll just end up pissing them off! Sometimes the smart thing to do is to quit. Most of the time your constant pursuit will just end up hurting you. So unless you are some kind of emotional masochist let it go. On the other hand, if you ARE some kind of emotional masochist, go ahead and do your thing. I don't discriminate. A warning though...if you try it with me I will hurt you. Physically.

November Mash-up

Its been a while since I posted anything (bad Zani) but its not my fault. November has been a hectic month. School's a bitch. My lecturers are just mean. There's one who comes to class and never really tells us anything of importance. Just makes us photocopy handouts then reads to us their contents EXACTLY how they appear in the handouts. Nkt. Really?? As if English was not part of the curriculum all through primary and high school. Then there's another one who has a permanent frown. I'm pretty sure he couldn't smile if he wanted to. I swear I have NEVER seen his facial expression change. It can't. Its too late :). The only other lecturer worth mentioning is this guy who hangs around while we do our labwork(He's supposed to be helping us but asking him questions will warrant you a lecture about how our generation likes to be spoon-fed :/). He has this 'I shall be a sexual predator some day' look. Its seriously creepy. Lock up your children. My course just keeps getting stranger. Last week I spent an afternoon 'grading timber'and no I am not a lumberjack in training. I don't think they even offer such a course at any university ANYWHERE. So I essentially spent the afternoon identifying defects in timber and calculating how bad they are. Surely. Then they tell us there are professional timber graders leaving me wondering why the hell they made us do it. And by the way it was Idd.I was really pissed off! May have taken it out on some of my moderately lazy group members. Not that they didn't deserve it. (Duncan you have finally been referred to in my blog. Celebrate.)

Enough about boring education. Other, way more interesting, things have happened this month. I went for an AIESEC conference and it ROCKED. Mostly because I was in great company. I honestly believe that my university has the people with the most personality, psyche and awesomeNESS (a word I learned during that conference. Stress on the -NESS). The actual conferences went on til really late-midnight- but the parties afterward made it worth the wait. For once it wasn't a drag being the only sober person mostly because I didn't have to take care of anyone. It was a seriously fun weekend. Made new friends, bonded with the in-between ones, saw some old ones doing VERY silly things (hint hint-my bellydancing friend. HAHA! Male version of Shakira!)Kenyans drink too much by the way.

As I had previously stated November is my birthday month. I don't celebrate it but this year it was an AWFUL day. Spent it fighting with mummy dearest and I'm not even sure what the fighting was about. I need to move out! I think women can only live together for a fixed amount of time. I'm kind of starting to get why people in traditional settings used to get married so early. If my mum didn't go to work and I didn't go to school we may have killed each other by now. I can't imagine the two of us staying in the same place day in day out with her criticizing my housework and goat washing skills (or whatever else traditional women used to do). Blood would have to be shed. I love her to bits and I don't know what I would do without her but we get on each others nerves ALOT. My main motivation behind looking for a hostel.

My sister is done with high school! The day was marked with ice-cream and me running away from class very fast to see her as soon as I could. I'm so relieved. I feel like I have finally left the hellhole that was __________.(For the purpose of not wanting to be affiliated with that high school I have decided not to name it). I'm letting her rest right now...but in a couple of weeks the perversion shall begin as planned *insert evil laughter*. My mum thinks I'm a bad influence on her and I just might be but I will take care of her because I am the domineering big sister type. You can't touch her :). I pity the fool that tries to ask her out without measuring up to my big sister standards.

Wow.Long post...I'll try not put off blogging for so long again. Later :)

...don't know what to call this one...

1st day of the most awesome month of the year! There are so many reasons why November is the queen of the calendar; short rains season so the ground always smells yummy, people are finishing up their final high school exams and lastly ,but most importantly, it is the month in which the earth was graced by the arrival of one female child whose birth offset the balance of nature, caused the heavens to part and the angels to sigh in relief that the world was going to be a better place. Yes. I am the aforementioned child...but you already knew that. I feel so OLD. Someone pointed out that my birthday is just around the corner and I saw my life flashing before my eyes. I'm so OLD. Some decades ago by now I'd be barefoot and pregnant with my 3rd child or something. Now I'm just barefoot (not that I'm complaining). My point is that I have to start thinking about my responsibilities and priorities in life and shit like that because I'm just too old not to. I like being able to blame stuff I do wrong on other people- favourite passtime actually- and the older you get, the fewer those people are. I do not like this. Have to learn to live with it though. I COULD marry some rich old man and be a kept woman but alas I do not, as the youth like to say, 'roll like that'. Plus, I like 'em young *rawr*.

Enough about my aging. Halloween! Don't you just LOVE how Kenyans pick up obscure customs that they do not understand and embrace them wholeheartedly? My internet addiction and my love for useless knowledge enabled me to know the origin of halloween but its not all that interesting so if you want to know...well...google! Anyway being the Kenyan that I am I went for a halloween party-thing. What did I dress up as? I'm not sure. I just wore black clothes and scary accessories and let people think I was whatever they wanted me to be. I'm considerate like that. Anyway it rocked. Quite literally actually. I listened to rock for most of the night (there was a part of the night when we busted the dj in the basement playing 'bendover' when people moved upstairs) and have the aching muscles to prove it. Moshing is so much fun when your doing it but the after effects are just not pretty. I've spent the whole day walking like the old woman I'm just about to be.
Still on the topic of halloween,a friend of mine sent me a halloween e-card. Insanely funny! It has me and 4 of our other friends' heads pasted onto some monster bodies. We are dancing. I'm singing. I nearly died while watching it. The maker of the e-card made me the mad scientist. I'm not very sure what he was insinuating but that video is REALLY funny. I can't wait for the next pagan ritual that we can all blindly celebrate!

Cellphone eulogy :'(

It has only been 2 days (2hrs according to my parents) since I lost you to a tragic and brutal pick-pocketing incident but the feeling of loss is so great that I can barely bear (good wordplay RIGHT?!?!) it. You were taken from me too soon. In the prime of your life, just 4/5 months old, your work was far from over. How I shall miss the crisp sound quality of the music that blasted from your tiny but powerful speakers and the way you would 'breathe' when there was a text whose vibration I could not feel for I was otherwise occupied. Ah and the vibration. So firm. I could always feel it even when you were in my bag. I'll miss the times we had together, taking incriminating photos of friends (which are now in the hands of the pickpocket. Oops. Hope none of you ever wants to be president or anything :)) and listening to three days grace in matatus to drown out the raggae. I think what I'll miss the most was how you would let me access unsuspecting peoples' WLAN's and surf the net for free. That always helped me pass time...

I cant help but blame myself. You shouldn't have been there! I should have left you at home that night. But I had to stay in touch with my drunk and hyperactive friends as they wandered about getting in all kinds of trouble. It is my selfishness that led to this fate and I'll always regret that. The void you left can never be filled (especially since I'm pretty sure that the next phone I'm getting will not even have a coloured screen) and I can never replace you (seriously I just can't afford it!). I know there is NO WAY you are in a better place now but for your sake (and mine...and the people whose pics are in the memory card) I hope they erase your memory and sell you at a reasonable price because you are worth it. I also hope that whatever they buy with that money catches fire and or gives them a serious rash, constipation and hair loss.

You will be missed.

Bangover 2:rated R

Its monday so obviously I am in the office...they 'forgot' to give the silly intern work again so I'm taking full advantage of the free internet service here :). I seriously can't wait to get back to school. You can always skyve class but you can't skyve work. *sigh* i can so wait to clear uni and get a real job. Anyway I'm dying! I feel like i was beaten up (I may have been...) then run over by a steamroller. I however don't regret it one bit and would redo saturday night/sunday morning all over again without changing a thing.

I went for BoTB with my friends again. Met some new interesting people-one of whom was being indiscreetly cougared by my pal *rawr*-but my old friends are the ones who made that night insanely awesome. There were quite a number of intoxicating substances consumed so people were craaaaaaazy. The moshing was intense! I ranted in a very gay manner about missing my friend (I actually had to explain to the new people that I was not a lesbian),nearly got a black eye,someone lost a tooth and the same person may or may not (im not sure) sprained his ankle. At this point i would like to explain that I only know that guy because he is the friend of a friend. No direct connection :). I am not afraid to disown him. Anyway I'm pretty sure I lost weight that night.

I get home at around 6 a.m. go to bed and 2 hours later guess what happens??? My lovely mother wakes me up to straighten out the house.She has other children dammit! Children who'd slept in the house the night before! Anyway the chores did not let up 'til around 9 p.m. I felt like I'd been transported to colonial Kenya and my mum was white. The abusive language...the feelings of oppression and rebellion...the HOUSEWORK! Maumau shit. So yeah. I blacked out at around 9 and woke up feeling AWFUL. Even more now that I've realised that after work I have a date with a broom. Yup. More housework :/

The plight of the first born

I'm having a weird cold which seems to be nocturnal. When I wake up I feel AWFUL and congested then it suddenly disappears only to attack me again when the sun goes down. It's like a vampire virus and its PISSING ME OFF. I'm imagining going to hospital looking very healthy and trying to explain this phantom virus to a doctor. Ugh. Stupid PMSing organisms.

Anyway today I'm complaining about being born first. It's not anyone's fault that they are are firstborns and I can't blame my parents (for once) because there is no way they could have changed the fact that I am their first child but sometimes I wish it was a post I could quit or pass on or something. Its so BORING to be the rational one. I also strongly dislike the fact that I can never really move on to another stage of life completely. I still have to do high school homework, attend high school functions...read for exams with my siblings...case and point: my brother's prize giving day.

Yesterday I had the *clearing throat* honor of being invited (i.e. I was threatened with disownment-I'm not sure if thats a real word...but it should be-if I did not show up) to my brother's high school for a prize giving day. The P.A. system was awful and I could barely hear the entertainment, I had to listen to all the speeches and my mum insisted on staying 'til the end so that my brother could hear the leaving class sing the school anthem and be motivated (still don't really understand that.I guess its a mum thing). Don't get me wrong, I love supporting my family members especially when they deserve it but it sucked that I couldn't say, "That was my last prize giving day." when I cleared. *sigh* oh well...on the upside we had Ethiopian for dinner. Yay! Then as a firstborn since my dad ditched my mum I had to be her date for some awards thingy. I was so sleepy!!!!! But I had firstbornly duties to attend to so I sucked it up, dressed up and pretended not to sleep through the entire function (I can thank my C.R.E. and history teachers for helping me acquire this skill). The upside for that one is today she couldn't use the disco line-refer to previous post- on me :)

Depression...*sigh*

I don't mean the psychological disorder. I mean in the way people are always misusing it to mean really really sad. I keep getting these emails about how 'people come into your life for a reason and leave when they are done...blablabla...' and when you're not losing a friend they make so much sense! As in the first time I read an email like that it was like having an epiphany...now I look back and wonder what the hell was so clear to me.

It's not like my friend died or anything. She just went to study abroad. Ok technically she hasn't even left yet (just saw her off at the airport so she's just there...bored...waiting for her flight) but the point is she's going and I'm not sure when I'll see her next. Before you judge me and decide to label me another silly teenage girl let me give you some insight into why I'm so depressed...lets go back about 6 years...*insert that glittery sound-yes.to me it sounds glittery-from movies like 13 going on 30*...

High school. Hell on earth. I was a poor mono thrown into the cruel world of public boarding school. A semi-friendly young girl whose sharp wit and seriously awesome sarcasm were almost always mistaken for rudeness. I made 'friends' quite easily but I didn't really feel like I had any friends except for 4 girls from my class. Out of the 4, I only considered 3 of them friends because of the bond between Muslims so technically I only REALLY felt like I had 1 friend. This is the young lady at the airport (lets call her X). X is one of those friends who you just kinda have this instant bond with. We were close throughout high school and though I became close with other people there was always this thing we had. She even named it (the thing I mean)*sigh*. Since we cleared high school the most we've gone without seeing each other is a month and that was only because she wasn't around but we still texted each other every other day. I'm reading through this and realizing how incredibly gay it sounds but yeah...too bad!!! So she's going. I'm happy that she'll get to do the course she wants and get exposure...yadayadayada...but I already miss her. I know it's psychological but again TOO BAD.

You may be thinking that I'm a silly human being saying stuff like that in the age of facebook and skype, but the thing is,human beings are ever-changing creatures. We become different every single day because of the experiences we have and these differences define us. If you're not there to experience and accept the changes it can get to a point where you just can't click and that is what I'm scared of. Imagine someone so close to you becoming a stranger. It scares the shit out of me. I usually embrace change...ok...no I don't,but still this is harder than most other changes. Ah well. Time will tell (I rhymed accidentally!).

P.S. X, since u CLAIM to read my blog...love you!

...

I forgot to complain about over-sagging..or even just sagging. There's this thing boys of a certain age do of wearing trousers from almost around the knees. Why?! It looks silly and it freaks me out (seriously its kinda freaky. They look like they have long torsos and midget legs...its straight out of a horror movie!) And whenever I see this madness I wonder if the dudes buy trousers sizes smaller so that they can wear them IN THE WRONG PLACE. There's no excuse! Even if you're hung like a horse and have a weird rash. That is all. Thanks.

'Hot'

So temperatures are rising-I literally mean atmospheric temperature. Its not some weird coded language for anything else- and the outfits women are wearing are getting hotter...or so they think. Yes hemlines are going up, necklines are plunging and men are drooling but there are some outfits I don't quite understand...

1: the teenyweenymicrominiskirt coupled with see-through or meshed tights that reach either the knee or right below the knee.
You look like you're wearing really long bikers. Why don't you just buy tights that are either halfway down your calves or complete?? They are the same price. And when you wear an almost non-existent skirt during the day then try to 'justify' it by wearing tights it doesn't make you look any more decent. I can still see your legs :) Most people trying this look end up looking kinda like Wilt from Foster's home for imaginary friends (wow...havn't watched that cartoon in a while) you know...long legs and insanely small body. Like their entire midsections were squeezed together tightly in the event that an organ or two attempts to escape.

2: wearing a small top and see through tights
It is getting warmer...but this is not an excuse to leave your pants at home! The other day my eyes were assaulted by a girl who bent over to pick something off the ground and flashed me her underwear. Its called underwear for a reason. Figure it out.

I realize that 'Misuse of tights' would be a more appropriate name for this post but hey...
These girls really do think that they look ok. Actually better than ok. They think they look hot! Once in a while I'll see a girl who pulls these things off but its really rare. People please tell your girl friends when they look silly before they leave the house and make you an embarrassment by association. Thanks. My eyes are tired of seeing and my mouth is tired of laughing (ok maybe I'm not tired of laughing :))

BBA

It being the holy month and all I am on the path to enlightenment and thus there wont be any posts of me doing weird things for the next few weeks. Ramadhan kareem and saum maqbul to all my Muslim sisters and brothers. May Allah accept your fasts.

But this doesn't mean I can't watch t.v. and I'm telling you my addiction to big brother keeps getting worse each day. Last night the big brother housemates made me feel like the most angelic human in the existence...ai. Especially the women. I'm sure if there was some dude from some other continent watching yesterday he has bought a plane ticket and is on his way to find an African woman. I wish I knew one of those girls so I could go to their houses and see if their relatives are still alive or have died of shock :). The dancing they did was making the t.v. stall. As in even the t.v. didn't want me to see what was going on! But I saw...and I was amazed...and I have come to a conclusion. Everyone in the world is just nasty! A few posts back I said that my people are a kinky lot. I would like to rephrase that. PEOPLE ARE KINKY. Its global problem (or not a problem depending on how you look at it.)Its like we are all just sex-starved maniacs waiting for any opportunity to unleash ourselves (note that I am including myself in this only for the sake of making myself seem like an open and accessible person so that people feel like they can relate to the blog. I am in no way a part of the problem...or not problem).

On to other things...MUNYA! I must confess. The man is still SOL (sex on legs). I'm on the brink of overlooking his *clearing throat* minor transgression on account of how good he looked yesterday. Yum.

Bangover :D

VOTE OF THANKS:I would like to thank Chero for creating the word that is the title of today's blog. It is the most accurate description of what I'm feeling or rather have been feeling since yesterday.

Saturday evening me and some friends decided to go for Battle of the Bands. It was AMAZING! The bands were really good and they did some awesome covers. The music was so catchy that there was no way any normal rocker could sit down so you can guess what happened...MOSHING! I don't really like to mosh 'cause people tend to get carried away but I did dance a lot. How does one dance to rock? Well its basically throwing your head around and air-guitaring coupled with air-drumming. I guess I overdid the head-throwing. I have a serious stiff neck. To look at things I have to turn my whole body. THAT is what Chero accurately named a bangover. Stiff neck induced by serious rocking out... its very irritating but totally worth it. I'd redo Saturday in a heartbeat.

Since I feel compelled to stay true to the angry nature of this blog, I do have a complaint about BoTB. Ok,not the event, the people who attend the event. Kenyans overdo the whole goth/emo thing. Yes it is a rock event but that doesn't mean that you have to go out of your way to look and act strange as hell! Some people develop 'alter-egos' and name themselves after the deities of extinct religions. Now seriously, what does an Aztec god have to do with rock? And the outfits...my God! Most of them come across as gay not goth. I keep wondering who lets these people leave the house looking like Marilyn Manson's estranged African brothers. Eeeew.

Let-downs of the week

Firstly I want to apologize to anyone who's been reading my posts and wondering why the hell I have so many typos... I promise to start going through what I write before posting because I seem to keep noticing weird grammatical errors when I read the blog (yes.I read my own work from time to time. Nothing wrong with that. Some of the posts are damn funny!). So...yeah.

On to more pressing issues. I voted today. YEAH!!!!*happy dance* I was so jazzed. I've been waiting for this moment for such a long time. Its like I was pregnant and...no. Wrong analogy. I was just really happy. So I went to the polling station and impacted the outcome of the election. But as you guessed, there's a reason why this is a let-down. After voting they're supposed to colour the tip of your finger so that you can't go back and vote again. I was really looking forward to that. They coloured the effing space between my index and middle finger. SURELY! Now my hand looks positively ridiculous. The dude claimed to have disfigured my hand like that because I have henna on my nails. I DO NOT HAVE HENNA ON MY NAILS! What the hell! It may sound juvenile but these little things matter you know...now I feel like I didn't complete the process.

Let-down number two; Munya from big brother. I hereby declare that the man is no longer sex on legs. After his display of unmanliness he needs to be demoted from that status. I'm not saying men shouldn't cry. They just shouldn't do it when Im looking. There's nothing more disturbing than seeing a grown man cry. In some circumstances its understandable like when someone dies or you lose your job...or your wife is sleeping with your dad...but you cannot cry in front of the whole of Africa because a lady was mean to you and won't let you pee. NKT!

Trust Nairobi uni...

I have FINALLY finished my exams. I don't think I've been this relieved since that last paper in form 4...good times *sigh+reminiscence* anyway my lecturer gave me something to complain about today and I am not known to waste a good rant so here goes;

STUPID STUPID public universities. And your stupid lecturers. I put down my last paper very jazzed that I'm just going check if my labwork has been marked and then rush home to watch my new addiction (big brother. Ok not really. Just Munya *cat noises* the man is sex on legs!)and guess what. My marks for first sem hadn't been recorded. SERIOUSLY! And I was so hardworking when it came to labwork last sem! I barely dubbed results and used more than wikipedia to research my work then they don't record it! Not a big deal right? Wrong. I have to run around campus chasing the lecturer because the guy who was marking my reports was fired/transferred/died or something of that nature. The lecturer makes me and some other unlucky souls follow him around like we're some kind of roving caravan and then starts complaining that he can't record all our marks. Luckily I was like the third person in line so I finished up and ran away before another story came up.

Kenyan public institutions need to reform. Just because I am a member of the youth doesn't mean that I enjoy long distance runs around campus. Organization means not hanging up a list of results before getting ALL the results. It also means taking records from people who get fired/transfer/die or something of that nature. SERIOUSLY!

Lazy ass people

Is tired. Physically tired of running around for half the day tending to my parents. I swear African(I'm saying this 'cause I don't know the situation on any other continent and saying 'African' makes it less personal and less offensive to my parents) parents are the LAZIEST people in existence! I'm only going to talk about how they are at home. I know that at work they're hardworking and stuff (or rather I'm assuming because they still have jobs) but when they get home MY GOD! I know I sound really evil for bashing my parents like this but seriously listen to my point of view.

I am grateful that they are such loving parents. They never deny me permission for anything and are not stingy with their money BUT honestly you cannot call me from my room to give you the remote which is less than 2 feet away. You could have stretched. You cannot wake me up to make your breakfast when I was out last night. It's TEA, you've made it before. You can do it. I believe in you. It's not fair to send me to do 5 things at the same time and expect them to all be done at once. If you wanted me to be able to accomplish such feats then you should have had an octopus instead of a baby. And seriously, calling me 'darling' does not make the very unnecessary errands you've made me do less annoying, especially when I know that a term of endearment can only be followed by, "could you get me..."

Living with parents sucks sometimes. Especially now since my mum went on a bed sheet shopping spree and bought beautiful sheets that make me feel like I'm sleeping between 2 slices of toast. Anyway in unrelated but important news, due to exams (in like 2 days) I won't be able to update my blog for the next 2 weeks. Miss me (not a request but a command :) )

Get down!

It's a command. One me and my insane friends could not seem to pass down last night...now before your mind wanders I'm referring to a dance and not whatever depraved act you wanted to think. A command from who(m) you may ask. It was a command from madtraxx. Yes the musician. I'd like to have said that we were hanging out or something but its just the song 'get down' which kept being played the whole night. One of us decided that it would be a good idea if we dropped whenever the phrase was said and we all agreed(in our defense, most of us were not in our right minds). If you've heard the song you know that there are like 2 second intervals between the times he says 'get down' and he says it about a million times in the chorus so now that I think about it we must have looked like we were having a p.e. lesson on the dance floor. The first 2 times we heard the song we all 'got down' but as the night wore on, complaints of knee and thigh aches increased along with the number of people who sat down. I don't know whats wrong with me. I have this abnormal amount of self-confidence (and maybe some silliness) that makes me think I'm superhuman and will not feel the effects of doing the damn dance every single time the song comes on...all I'm going to say is that I am at the moment unable to walk. God help me :)

I should be reading...

I have a chemistry C.A.T. in a couple of days and I cannot understand why I can't seem to make myself study. It's seriously annoying. I had said that this semester I would be more serious, study harder but it seems that my procrastinating ass wants to do that next sem. I think I've tried all methods of concentration enhancement. I even tried yoga (I'm serious. A friend told me to try a while ago 'cause she's kinda into it and claims that it helps) but felt silly trying to do a pose called laughing dog or something like that. There's a lot of stretching involved so I didn't feel relaxed but I was probably doing it wrong anyway.

I'll keep this one short since I should not even be writing it anyway. I need to find a way to motivate myself into studying for that C.A.T. Chemistry is not a unit I can afford to play around with...I think. Earlier I was trying to remember what I did in high school for motivation then I remembered that my performance was mostly based on God's grace and the repetitive nature of exam questions so it didn't help. I don't quite remember school before that. Maybe I'll google the word motivation and see what comes up.adidas Men's Kanadia 2 TR Running Shoe,Black/White/Black Silver,8 M

Bored people

I know my blog is about 'the rantings of a very bored girl' but seriously there are those more bored than I and I think it's in order for me to pay homage to such bored people. They help me know that I am not alone and I don't have it as bad as other people. There are 2 people in particular I would like to thank but I think at this point I have to insert a disclaimer so that you don't think I'm weird:

DISCLAIMER: I zker am in no way a bestialist nor do I take pleasure in knowing about the functions of the reproductive organs of any animals that are not homo sapiens sapiens. The following material was obtained from the internet due to my need to know strange and useless things that will never aid any aspect of my life-a product of my own boredom.

Anyway, the first person I would like to pay tribute to is the guy(I'm assuming its a dude because I still have faith in women) who discovered that a pig's orgasm lasts half an hour. WHAT THE HELL??!!! Who even cares that pigs have orgasms? And did the pig really allow him to check? Aren't pigs violent? Did he sedate it? Where was the male pig at this time? There are men who can't er...'satisfy' women, so is the male pig a better lover than some men? Seriously. So he was just sitting at home and thought, "Hmm. Why don't I watch pigs do each other then measure the vaginal contractions of the female." (I hope he didn't use his hands by the way. Eeew.) I have never been that bored. Maybe there's a scientific significance but 'til I know what that is...I congratulate this guy for making me feel better. I wonder what his next line of research was. Pig kamasutra? Nasty animals.

Next is the first person to eat an egg. This one came to me in the form of my brother (I don't think I'll use his name as he often does not like to be associated with me...don't know why though. I'm fantastic) who said that the first guy to eat an egg must have been brave. Why? Who would think of eating something that came out of a chicken's ass??? Chicken are disgusting creatures. And they crap from the same hole. You may be thinking no...the person was probably hungry. I disagree. I think the person was bored and this is my reason; there are almost no discoveries in history that came out of situations where people are in dire need of something. Almost all of them are accidents. So people were probably sitting together and someone said'" Dude...I dare you to eat that white shit the chicken just crapped," and voila! Breakfast! :)

Someone is probably gonna kill me because of this one :)

Whats my issue today? Homosexuality. No,that may not be entirely accurate. This isn't exactly going to be a rant about gayism. More of a rant about peoples' reaction to it. Let me start by saying that to me it's wrong because my holy book has declared it so, I therefore can't hit on another girl (as in hit on her seriously. I do jokingly but that is not my fault. It's my mother's for sending me to same sex schools for 12 years :) ). BUT, I don't understand why people overreact to it. Maybe in the west its not such a big deal but here people seem to think it should be punishable by death!

Yes,it IS a sin in most religions but not everyone has a religion or believes in God. Sad as it is we can't force them to do either of those things but my point is that we don't all have the same beliefs so what is morally wrong to me may not be wrong another person with a different set of beliefs. I think most people who bash homosexuals for being 'sinners' are just downright hypocrites. So you think gay people don't deserve rights because they are going against God right? Then we should also deny alcoholics their rights because in some religions it is a sin. And while you're at it round up all the fornicators and adulterers 'cause...you know...God said so.

I think...as long as they're not killing anyone or forcing anyone else to be gay
, leave them be. It's not like its contagious or anything. They are people too. I am in no way a gay rights activist but surely, whats denying them their rights going to accomplish? I as a straight person don't see how I will so I say, live and let live.

Back to school...me this time :)

So after about a month of bumming and uselessness the university has reopened. I was insanely happy (I was about to die of boredom) until I remembered the lab report that I should have done a month ago. I am a world class procrastinator and I have accepted myself the way I am because of my accepting and fabulous nature. So I quickly do it- I actually took like 15 minutes to do it- then try to sleep so I can go early and hand it in so as to seem like a good student who had done it on time. The thing is, my internal clock system (which has a very intelligent-sounding biological name that I have managed to forget) has gone crazy. I've become so used to being seminocturnal ,i.e. sleeping at around 3 a.m. waking up at around nine, and eating breakfast at lunchtime thus pushing all other meals into the next slot that sleeping at around midnight is an issue. And don't even get me started on how hard it is to eat breakfast at 7 a.m.!!!

It was a good day though. No lectures(the afternoon lecture was a 5 minute greeting from the lecture and a notification that she will not be attending her lectures until next week. Only in Kenya :) ) so it was more bumming and uselessness but in a different location with more people. As you have already guessed it was a lot of fun. So I guess it wasn't the bumming and uselessness that was boring. It was the fact that I was doing it mostly alone. Now I know better...bum with people. It's the only way.

The thing I love about uni is no one cares. I LOVE that! I have an 8 o'clock class but I tell people not to wake me up early and guess what...they wont! I do what I want,when I want,how I want,with who(is there an m here?) I want...kinda. I also like how easy it is to fall back into familiar patterns. It didn't feel like I've been out for a month. Maybe a week. So twas a good drama-less day of uselessness and bumming.

I wonder if tomorrow's lecturers will show up...

How far did colonization really go?

Today the rant is taking a more serious tone, and do not be shocked. I am a very deep individual. So my question is; when we kicked the colonialists out of Africa how much did they leave with us? We may have physically removed them from power but did we do it mentally? To me the answer is, hell no. Unfortunately for most of us (Africans that is), the white man is still the boss. Still better than us. Still more deserving of our respect than any other black man. You may be thinking that I was born too late to be complaining about colonialism but I'm not. It's still here. It's just that now people have kind of accepted it.

A while ago I was talking to a friend who told me that when she was younger she had an aunt who would tell her to 'shower so that she is as clean as a mzungu'. As opposed to what? As dirty as an African? REALLY? So what impression did she expect to leave on the child? Probably none. She was most likely just repeating something she'd heard as a child thinking it was harmless. This leads me to the next stage of my rant. I have noticed that most of my friends seem to have the idea that the closer you are to white (in skin colour) the better-looking you are. I've seen girls drool over some-to be polite- notverygoodlooking guys just because they are lightskinned. Now don't get me wrong. We all have our preferences and that's allowed but when someone tells me that 'people look better with a lighter skin colour' I'm led to believe that this idea didn't just come out of nowhere.

Another area that I find interesting is hair. To me beautiful hair is hair that has body. I don't like wispy hair. I don't think hair has to be straight to be beautiful. I think hair looks great when braided or in dreadlocks. I am usually alone in this line of thought 'cause almost everyone else thinks that 'kinky' hair is bad and/or ugly. I personally don't have an issue with weaves,extensions or chemicals but I don't think that other races have better hair than we do (I've actually also heard other people say that). I am a bit ashamed to admit that I sometimes watch the Tyra show and there was an episode about 'black' hair. It was interesting that there are black people who want to have mixed race children so that their kids can have 'better hair'. Kinda sad. Quite shocking.

I won't even get started on neocolonialism. We all know how its affecting us. Heard it enough times. The carrot and stick thing that keeps getting pulled on our governments i.e. do as we say or we'll deny you aid or stop funding that project... I can't do anything about that right now, all I can do is hope this trickle down colonialist mentality isn't as ingrained as I think it is and make sure that when I have kids they KNOW that beauty comes in very many shapes, forms, colours and hair textures.

Back to school

Not me. I'm still on 'holiday' thanks to some of our nations most intelligent students who decided that between dialogue and violence, bring on the stones!(+ whatever they used to set a couple of cars on fire). Tis the plight of public universities...*sigh*...anyway it's my sister who went back to school today. I thought that when I got out of high school I wouldn't dread opening day ever again. I was so very wrong.

The thing about my high school is that it was hell. I'm not exaggerating. It was like they removed a chunk of hell from wherever hell is, put it in nairobi and built a school there. Holidays were always a relief from the sulphur and brimstone and going back...my GOD! I think if you had asked most of my classmates at the time to choose between losing a limb and going back to school they'd have seriously started an internal debate about which part of the body would be of less consequence. Anyway so opening day was a day to mope around the house, pack and for some people cry. To make matters worse, the school administration set a deadline for returning to school. You had to be there before 5 o' clock or the punishment would be to stay in school during the next midterm (why Lord why?!). I want to explain that I love my mother very much and that we are very good friends but seriously she is one of the things that makes opening day a HORRIBLE experience. At around 2 p.m. I was expected to be ready to go (bags packed,full school uniform,blablabla...so that I wouldn't be late and endure the wrath of the housemistress *ghoulish shriek*) and I was. The thing is, she usually wasn't and her defense mechanism is yelling. AT ME! The whole journey to the supermarket, the entire time I spent shopping and the trip to school she would yell. AT ME! I learned how to zone out when she gets like that (which is at least once a day. My mother is an angry woman) but it would get to a point where I'd be like, "When the hell am I going to get to school."

The funny thing is that most of her shouting would be about my lack of time consciousness (I am, by the way, insanely time conscious) and the way I'd suffer if I had to spend my midterm in school but she seemed completely unaware of the suffering her noise was causing my eardrums! Soooo...I thought this would stop when I cleared. Then the unthinkable happened. My sister ends up attending the same school and guess who has to help her get ready? And then guess which sucker has to keep her company the whole ride to school? I am an annoyingly good big sister. The worst thing about it is that my mum is so used to shouting at me that she forgets that it is actually my SISTER going to school. Oh well. I guess old habits die hard. I can't wait 'til my sis is done with high school.

Accidental Cock-blocking

Have you ever witnessed something that you found really funny but had noone to laugh about it with? It's the most annoying feeling. So you laugh alone...until it just becomes sad and/or people start looking at you weirdly. I have many of these moments mostly 'cause of my amazing skills of observation and my prowess at eavesdropping. Anyway enough about me(dont look so sad. We'll get back to me later :) ). This is what happened:

I was in a matatu (by the way, I think we have the most unique form of public transportation)going to town. Just minding my own business (not really) when this guy sitting infront of me starts flirting with the girl in the seat next to him. I wasnt paying much attention to what he was saying- I think I've heard almost every line- but the girl didn't seem very interested (haha! Probably the story of his life). I did get interested a few minutes later when the matatu stopped to pick up more people and this mildly attractive guy got in, gave the girl a hug and sat in the other seat next to her. Dude no. 1 didnt pay much attention to that and continued trying to get the girl's attention. A few minutes later the chick says (very loudly)," You're hitting on me and my boyfriend is right here?" OUCH. Accidental cock-block from our 1st runner up; mildly attractive boyfriend(or not) for having impeccable timing but the winner is the girl for embarassing the poor boy and making my day!

Maybe its one of those things you have to witness to find funny, but I am so glad I was sitting at the back and didnt even have to pretend that I hadnt heard anything. It could be that I am just mean and enjoy the suffering of others but seriously, that was a very funny cock-block.

Bend over Hangover

It's around 3 o' clock in the afternoon and I have just woken up. I'm groggy,tired and there are parts of my body that I feel might not be quite right. Why? Bend over hangover. That is what I have decided to call this feeling. Let me explain for those of you who may not understand what I am saying:


If you are Kenyan and are not one of those religious fanatics then you must know a song of the dancehall/ragga genre by a dude called RDX(I have no idea what that stands for)called bend over. If you have never seen the video of this song you need to get on youtube 'cause it is just nasty! This song has taken Kenya by storm mostly BECAUSE it it is so nasty (my people are a kinky lot). The first time I heard that song I was in a club and oh! My poor eyes! this young lady SPRINTS onto the dancefloor,picks the first guy she sees and starts to imitate moves in the video plus a couple of her own that I'm sure are some positions of kamasutra. It was alot of grinding and moaning and jumping and I just wanted to suggest that they get a room. I have just recently managed to get over the fact that whenever the song is played it looks like there's an orgy.


Now that you know my history with the song, let me explain the bend over hangover thing. I have woken up feeling rotten and there's no way its a hangover because I don't drink (I figured that I commit enough sins on a daily basis and can let this one go. I'm religious. Kinda)so I have decided to blame bend over. The DJ went overboard yesterday and played the song almost every hour. You may be thinking that I am tired from all the bending over. You are mistaken. I'm tired from running all over the dancefloor trying to evade men who were trying to make me bend over. Alcohol makes dudes so brave. I'm dancing with a girlfriend,having fun then BOOM! Someone's uninvited crotch has found a home on my posterior. I HATE that. Honestly that song has made the dancefloor a battle field. I have actually heard friends say,"cover me." before we start dancing. I kid you not. I'm not saying I never do the dance...I'm just saying I'd rather not do it every other hour with strange dudes who do not seem to understand the concept of the word 'no'. Surely you cant think Im playing hard to get when I look you straight in the face,not smiling, and say no. And there are these guys who can't believe that you don't want to dance with them. Boy please. Stop thinking the sun shines out your ass. You are NOT that special so just get over yourself. Rejection always hurts at first.

Anyway, I should get out of bed now.I dont think I'll be going out again soon. That was enough exercise for about a month :)

World Cup...*yawn*

It's worldcup season again and this time my goal is to NOT get myself banned from the t.v. room like last time. I watched the opening ceremony last night and that is the furthest I'm going with the football-mania. I know. First world cup to be held in Africa. I should be just as excited as the next African but I actually couldn't care less. I do want an African country to win-would be cool-but my watching will not influence the way they play. I just dont find football entertaining. I mean 22 guys running around after a ball, just to kick it into a net? Seriously? And there isn't even any violence allowed! One small push and all of a sudden you're getting a card (I know they have colours for those...but I dont know which ones) and being taken out of the game. Where's the drama? The action? The violence?! Whenever i start talking like this I get murderous looks and sometimes threats but i CANNOT pretend to like the game. I tried (hence the telly room ban). Its just not my thing. Give me rugby any day!

And by the way, I have several grievances to air about this 'African' world cup. Lets start with the official world cup song. Why oh WHY did they ask Shakira to sing the world cup song? WHY? I love shakira (hot,great dancer,great musician,blablabla...) but seriously we DO have our own musicians who Im pretty sure would have liked to be recognised internationally. Yeah yeah freshly ground featured but there's a version in SPANISH! WHY?! I personally prefer the K'naan song. And not that version with will.i.am n some weird latino dude.Ok so maybe I dont have several grievances...but if I'd just said one I may not have sounded half as interesting.

My other complaint is to my government. SILLY SILLY GOVERNMENT!!!! My country is like the only place planes stop before going to South Africa so you'd think we've made alot of money right now, right? WRONG! Due to poor planning we have not benefitted from what could've been an amazing deal for our economy. For God's sake we barely did any advertising! And a few weeks(or was it days?) to the world cup they close up the two major stadiums (or is it stadia?).SILLY SILLY GOVERMENT!!! Those stadiums(/stadia) could've been used by teams for practise! Damn it. Running this country to the ground. Idiots.

Oh well...let me just say this;its going to be a long month for me.